OVP: The Wild Thornberrys Movie (2002)

Film: The Wild Thornberrys Movie (2002)

Stars: Lacey Chabert, Tim Curry, Jodi Carlisle, Daniell Harris, Flea, Tom Kane, Lynn REdgrave, Rupert Everett, Marisa Tomei, Alfre Woodard, Brenda Blethyn

Directors: Cathy Malkasian & Jeff McGrath

Oscar History: 1 nomination (Best Original Song-"Father and Daughter")

Snap Judgment Ranking: 3/5 stars

I don't talk a lot about my age on this blog (mostly because the gay community can be rather eyebrow-raising about ageism, and I tend to not bring it up unless I have to by instinct), but there are moments where it's necessary to out myself.  While I was not too old to watch Nickelodeon toons when they became part of the zeitgeist for younger figures (specifically shows like Rugrats and Hey Arnold), I was probably getting to the point of too old to watch a show like Wild Thornberrys when it came out initially, even if I was very aware of its existence (and other kids my age might have watched it).  This is my way of telling you that I didn't know the story of The Wild Thornberrys TV show, and was going into this movie blind.  That's not something I normally do-I tend to make it a point of pride to watch all of the films in a series if we're doing a viewing for the OVP so I have some context on where the series has been beforehand, but full disclosure-even while I'm still stuck inside during this pandemic (though if all went according to plan I should have either gotten my vaccine by the time you read this or will have gotten it within a week or two of you reading this as Minnesota has now opened up for all ages), I'm not investing dozens of hours of my life to a Best Song nominee just to get some context.  Thankfully, the film does a pretty good job of grounding me in the story so I don't feel too lost in this film, even if I'm surely missing out on some fan "winks" in the corners of the picture.

(Spoilers Ahead) The movie is focused on a family of nature documentarians, and principally Eliza (Chabert), a young girl who can talk to animals as a magical gift bestowed on her by a shaman, but as a condition of the gift, she cannot tell anyone she can speak to them (otherwise the power will go away).  Eliza's prim grandmother (Redgrave) doesn't think that this life is suitable for a young girl, and wants her to be sent away to boarding school, and after Eliza unsuccessfully fights a group of poachers who kidnap her cheetah cub friend, her parents (Curry & Carlisle) agree with her.  At school, her best friend Darwin (Kane), an eloquent chimpanzee, stows away & they get into misadventures, but ultimately decide they must return to Africa to save not just the cheetah cub, but it turns out a group of elephants and her brother & sister, both of whom have been ensnared in the poachers' (Everett & Tomei) scheme.  The film ends with her powers restored, and her self-involved teenage sister now aware of the magic (which Eliza tells her she cannot reveal or else she'll be turned to a baboon).

The movie is cute, and while it doesn't break any new molds (the villains you can see coming a mile away, and none of the jokes are new territory, either visually or as written), it's fun.  It's the kind of movie that even if you're not a fan of the show you'll like-but-not-love, and I suspect getting to flesh out some of the characters, particularly big sister Debbie (Harris, the best part of a rather impressive vocal cast), was a treat for the diehard supporters of the show, finally given their big screen adaptation.

The movie won one Academy Award nomination.  Paul Simon's "Father and Daughter," unlike a number of the other nominated films of 2002 ("Lose Yourself," "I Move On," "The Hands That Built America") actually is part of the film, played as a musical motif throughout the picture, and again over the final credits, making it the first 2002 film I don't have to steal a point from in my rankings (all end credit songs lose one point for not really being a big enough part of the film, unless they also play as a musical cue through the rest of the picture, since the category should award songs with a stronger connection to their film).  It's a fine song, sweet & lovely (Simon knows his way around a lyric), but it's also the one part of the movie I suspect you needed to watch the TV show to enjoy, as while I would assume the relationship between Eliza & her father is crucial to the actual series (they being so similar), it's not a big part of the actual movie & feels a bit too sentimental for a film whose emotions lie elsewhere.

Losing the EGOT

Occasionally I find myself sorting through particularly random trivia (this happened a few days ago in a conversation with a friend), and one of my favorite bits of trivia surrounds the younger of the acting Redgrave sisters.  While Vanessa was the great actor of her generation, Lynn had something else special about her.  Lynn managed to be the only person in the history of entertainment to receive nominations for an Emmy, Oscar, Grammy, and Tony award...and not win any.

This is of course both a huge compliment and an enormous disappointment.  Redgrave managed to get nominated for three Tonys, two Emmys, two Oscars, and a Grammy in her career, something almost every actor would kill for, but you have to assume that she wishes she could have taken the stage just once to accept one of those major awards (to her credit, she did pick up a pair of Golden Globe Awards).

We took a look at Redgrave's record six years ago, but I was curious after the conversation with my friend if there had been any new additions to this list, if any people who had been on the list had migrated off of it, and most importantly, if someone had tied Redgrave's record.  Below you'll find that her record is still intact, though there's still room for some performers to go after it, and a few more have been added to the challenge since six years ago.  I've listed below every living performer I could find that has been nominated for (and lost) three of the four of Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, & Tony.  If you have a name I don't have on the list, please bring it to the comments (particularly for the Grammys, this is hard to research), and I'll update accordingly!

(Note: All of these are listed alphabetically)

Lauren Ambrose

Nomination She's Missing: Oscar

Emmys Lost: 2002 & 2003-Lead Actress in a Drama (Six Feet Under)

Grammys Lost: 2019-Best Musical Theater Album (My Fair Lady)

Tonys Lost: 2018-Best Actress in a Musical (My Fair Lady)

She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She won two SAG Awards for her work on Six Feet Under.

Can She Seal the Deal?: I would assume not.  Ambrose getting the lead in My Fair Lady is surprising in retrospect (her career had been relatively mixed since her breakout role in Six Feet Under ended, and I suppose this was a case of the "play" selling tickets more than any of the stars).  Currently she is on Servant for AppleTV, but hasn't done a film role in almost a decade, so an Oscar nomination would be a surprise.

Antonio Banderas

Nomination He's Missing: Grammy

Emmys Lost: 2004-Best Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie (And Starring Pancho Villas Himself), 2018-Best Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie (Genius)

Oscars Lost: 2019-Best Actor (Pain and Glory)

Tonys Lost: 2003-Best Actor in a Musical (Nine)

He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: Banderas won a Drama Desk for Nine, and finally pulled off a Goya earlier this year for his work in Pain and Glory

Can He Seal the Deal?: Of all of the people on this list, Banderas has the most grounds to be mad, as under current awards rules he would have tied Lynn Redgrave for this award.  Banderas was a key vocalist on the cast recording on Nine, and that was nominated in 2004 for Best Musical Theater Album (but lost to the Bernadette Peters revival of Gypsy).  Today Banderas would've been nominated for a Grammy for the award as a principle vocalist, but at the time he wasn't because it was only the producers of the album that got nominated.  I don't know if Banderas has it in him to do another play (he hasn't gone back to either musicals or the theater in recent years), and so I kind of wonder if this is a trivia answer that will never be, but was very close to becoming reality.

Gabriel Byrne

Nomination He's Missing: Oscar
Emmys Lost: 2008 & 2009-Lead Actor in a Drama (In Treatment)
Grammys Lost: 1998-Spoken Word Album (The Nightingale and the Rose)
Tonys Lost: 2000-Lead Actor in a Play (A Moon for the Misbegotten), 2016-Lead Actor in a Play (Long Day's Journey Into Night)
He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: He did win a Golden Globe for his work on In Treatment

Can He Seal the Deal?: The trick to "pulling a Lynn Redgrave" (patent-pending) is to be able to make positions second through fifth, but not manage to grab first.  I think that Byrne could well nab an Oscar nomination, considering he is a multi-hyphenate entertainer (he not only acts, but also writes, directs, and produces), and doesn't seem too likely to win any of the other awards anytime soon.  He rarely does Broadway and his television show isn't on anymore.

Adam Driver

Nomination He's Missing: Grammy

Emmys Lost: 2013, 2014, & 2015-Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series (Girls), 2020-Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series (Saturday Night Live)

Oscars Lost: 2018-Supporting Actor (BlacKkKlansman), 2019-Actor (Marriage Story)

Tonys Lost: 2019-Lead Actor in a Play (Burn This)

He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: Driver has failed to secure any major entertainment award in his career, so there should be some sympathy for him, but it feels doubtful he's going to end his career empty-handed considering its current trajectory, so don't worry if you're a fan.

Can He Seal the Deal?: I would assume that Adam Driver is the type that might randomly get a Spoken Word Album nomination at some point (not for a memoir, but more so for a table read recording of The Crucible or something similar).  But Driver's career trajectory (he has been nominated for three of these awards in the past two years alone) indicates that a win is more likely to stop him from reaching Redgrave's record than a missing Grammy nomination.  He seems certain to win one (probably the Oscar or Tony) in the next few years.

James Franco

Nomination He's Mising: Tony
Emmys Lost: 2002-Lead Actor in a Miniseries (James Dean), 2011-Outstanding Special Class Programs (The 83rd Academy Awards...yes, James Franco was nominated for an Emmy for his comically bad hosting of the Oscars...let that sink in for a second), 2016-Outstanding Short Form Variety Series (Making a Scene)
Oscars Lost: 2010-Best Actor (127 Hours)
Grammys Lost: 2014-Spoken Word Album (Actors Anonymous)
He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: Franco missed the Emmy but picked up the Golden Globe for his work in James Dean, and he missed the Oscar but pulled off another Globe for The Disaster Artist.

Can He Seal the Deal? I'm starting to think no.  Franco has done stage work (he did a turn in Of Mice and Men six years ago), but he wasn't nominated for a Tony Award (instead they went for his costar Chris O'Dowd).  Franco's sexual misconduct allegations have hurt his career; after his surprise Oscar snub in 2017 for The Disaster Artist, he has made direct-to-video & unreleased films, and his only more mainstream work was a cameo in The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and The Deuce, which was a middling success at best for HBO.  Winning an Emmy at this point seems more probable than a Tony nomination.

Ed Harris

Nomination He's Missing: Grammy
Emmys Lost: 2005-Lead Actor in a Miniseries (Empire Falls), 2012-Supporting Actor in a Miniseries (Game Change), 2018-Lead Actor in a Drama Series (Westworld)
Oscars Lost: 1995-Supporting Actor (Apollo 13), 1998-Supporting Actor (The Truman Show), 2000-Lead Actor (Pollock), 2002-Supporting Actor (The Hours)
Tonys Lost: 1986-Actor in a Play (Precious Sons)
He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: He has two Golden Globe awards, for The Truman Show and Game Change

Can He Seal the Deal?: For a long time there, it seemed like Ed Harris would surely win an Oscar.  He received a staggering four nominations in the span of seven years, and one could make a pretty convincing argument that he was in second in two, if not three of those years (Amy Adams-take note).  Harris has since fallen on hard times with the Academy and has had no more luck with Emmy (not even his grand return to TV with Westworld has gotten him a trophy so far).  This of course could happen, as the Spoken Word Album category can slip someone in at almost any time, and Harris is famous enough that he could make it for some reading of Shakespeare or Arthur Miller.  However, he's never been a particularly "awards-seeking" performer (otherwise he would have beaten James Coburn in 1998), and I don't see this happening.

Marsha Mason

Nomination She's Missing: Tony
Emmys Lost: 1997-Guest Actress in a Comedy (Frasier)
Oscars Lost: 1973-Best Actress (Cinderella Liberty), 1977-Best Actress (The Goodbye Girl), 1979-Best Actress (Cinderella Liberty), and 1981-Best Actress (Only When I Laugh)
Grammys Lost: 2000-Best Comedy Album (The Prisoner of Second Avenue)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: Mason won Golden Globes for both Cinderella Liberty and The Goodbye Girl

Can She Seal the Deal? The better question has to be how has she not?  Marsha Mason is one of my minor obsessions (she's been nominated for four Oscars, is still living, and yet somehow she disappeared off the face of the public sphere after her divorce to Neil Simon), and the real question was how was she ever going to get a Grammy nomination considering how minor her celebrity is.  With the Comedy Album citation, though, she's actually most well-known these days for her work on Broadway, as she's done six different productions in her career and is constantly working in the New York stage.  Make it happen Marcie!

Kate Nelligan

Nomination She's Missing: Grammy
Emmys Lost: 1989-Actress in a Drama Series (Road to Avonlea)
Oscars Lost: 1991-Supporting Actress (The Prince of Tides)
Tonys Lost: 1983-Actress in a Play (Plenty), 1984-Actress in a Play (A Moon for the Misbegotten), 1988-Featured Actress in a Play (Serious Money), 1989-Actress in a Play (Spoils of War)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She did win a BAFTA for Frankie and Johnny

Can She Seal the Deal?: The longtime Canadian stage actress enjoyed most of her awards-success at the Tonys, where in the 1980's she was a frequent contender but always missed (it can't feel too bad losing to the likes of Jessica Tandy and Glenn Close, though).  Her one-and-done nomination in 1991 at the Oscars makes her the person who has been on this list the longest, and as a whole she rarely acts anymore (on the stage or otherwise), so unless she has a particular penchant to get involved with an album and score a truly random nomination, this seems like the least likely of the list to happen.  It is interesting, though, how such a comparatively obscure (certainly the least well-known of these performers) actress could so quickly score 3/4 of an EGOT loss.

Kathleen Turner

Nomination She's Missing: Emmy
Grammys Lost: 2001-Spoken Word Album (The Complete Shakespeare Sonnets)
Oscars Lost: 1986-Lead Actress (Peggy Sue Got Married)
Tonys Lost: 1990-Actress in a Play (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), 2005-Actress in a Play (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She has two Golden Globes for Romancing the Stone and Prizzi's Honor.

Can She Seal the Deal?: Of the people on this list, I think this is probably the most shocking person on the list, considering that she almost certainly was close to getting nominated at the Emmys for playing Chandler's mother on Friends.  I would suspect, therefore, that she's also the most likely person to pull the Lynn Redgrave of anyone listed here.  She just needs a solid guest spot on a cable television series (probably not too hard considering their penchant for going for former headliners of a certain age for guest roles), and to not win the Tony Award (she probably would have won in 2005, but no one was going to take out Cherry Jones in Doubt).  I think that's manageable, and that she's probably going to make it thanks to the bizarre dozens-of-people-nominated Shakespeare Sonnets nomination she got in 2001.

Vanessa Williams

Nominations She's Missing: Oscar
Emmys Lost: 2007, 2008, and 2009-Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series (Ugly Betty), 2009-Performer in an Animated Program (Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies)
Grammys Lost: 1989-New Artist and Female R and B Performance ("The Right Stuff"), 1990-Female R and B Performance ("Dreamin"), 1992-Female R and B Performance ("Runnin' Back to You"), 1993-Record of the Year ("Save the Best for Last"), Female Pop Vocal Performance ("Save the Best for Last"), Female R and B Vocal Performance ("The Comfort Zone"), & Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals ("Love Is"), 1995-Female Pop Vocal Performance ("Colors of the Wind") & Female R and B Performance ("The Way That You Love"), 1997-Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album (Star Bright)
Tonys Lost: 2002-Actress in a Musical (Into the Woods)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She was Miss America, but umm, yeah, maybe she should get a little pity here.

Can She Seal the Deal?: Yeah, that list of Grammy losses is massive.  Williams is one of the most nominated women in the Recording Academy to never win.  Despite her seventeen year absence, I think her best shot would be to pick up one of the below-the-line Grammy Awards rather than take an Oscar nomination.  Williams did sing an Oscar-winning song, of course (1995's "Color of the Wind"), but she's not very much of a songwriter, and the movies have oddly never taken to her like music, television, and the theater.  So my gut says no, she can't quite get there (prove me wrong, casting directors), but may well win one of the other three awards before all is said and done.

And those are the ten!  Like I said, I researched pretty thoroughly, but if you trivia sleuths have an eleventh person let me know!

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)

Film: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)
Stars: Woody Allen, John Carradine, Lynn Redgrave, Burt Reynolds, Tony Randell, Gene Wilder, Louise Lasser, Lou Jacobi
Director: Woody Allen
Oscar History: No nominations
Snap Judgment Ranking: 4/5 stars

There is something completely cinematic about the work of Woody Allen.  I realized this as I watched the bunny-laden opening credits of one of his more abstract and out-there movies, Everything You Always... the other day when I was trying to make it through my FilmStruck queue.  Perhaps it's because I've grown up with his movies, or that Woody's films are an annual sojourn (he's one of the only filmmakers I will go to the cinema no matter what the reviews, plot, or actors are-I always catch his movies in theaters), but the way he structures them, never letting sequels or mandatory happy endings get in the way of his pictures.  Woody's movies, quite frankly, never really end-they just seem to start a new chapter as the closing credits start.  So it was bizarrely appropriate to see one of the great writers of the movies tackle what is essentially a series of short stories (about sex, naturally), in something I wouldn't have expected from Allen, but of course is a picture only he could have created.

(Spoilers Ahead) The movie unfolds in seven unconnected chapters, all with questions about sex that "you were too afraid to ask."  As a result of this and its relatively brisk running time (88 minutes), the movie never stays with a particular sketch for very long, and it moves along rather quickly even in the vignettes that aren't quite as funny.

Like most such movies, there is a pacing and structural problem in that some of these stories are better than others, and as sexual mores have dramatically shifted since the 1970's, there are scenes that are a bit cringeworthy, or it's hard to tell whether say, the laissez faire attitude about a sexual act is actual ambiguity due to the time period or whether Allen is trying to strike a nerve with the audience.  The best example of this is a What's My Line-inspired panel where television personalities like Regis Philbin and Pamela Mason casually guess a man's sexual perversions, casually throwing out terms like "rapist" as if they're guessing he's a librarian.  I suspect that even in the 1970's this was meant to imply shock value, but it's a bit dated in hindsight, and was probably a lot edgier and more significant at the time that I'm able to give it credit for being.

Still, though, the movie's best vignettes are able to move passed this dated nature and are just flat-out hilarious.  Allen's fame for getting the perfect cast balance is on full-display in the final two sketches, by-far my favorites of the bunch.  The penultimate sequence is a Frankenstein-meets-The Blob parody, but instead of a traditional monster, we get a gigantic breast terrorizing the city.  Allen casts John Carradine as a mad scientist, glibly playing with Carradine's famed on-screen persona by having his character perform insane (and truly unnecessary) experiments on sexuality, then allowing the giant breast he creates roam the countryside.  It sounds weird, and it is, but it works marvelously.  The final sequence achieves a similar sort of perfect absurdity, with Burt Reynolds and Tony Randall playing mission control directors in a man's penis, trying to guide a guy to ejaculation while on a date; Woody Allen plays an apprehensive sperm in this scene, frequently wondering if it's worth sacrificing himself in hopes of fertilizing an egg.  It's classic Allen-style comedy, and a riot.

All-in-all, the movie worked for me.  There are sequences that aren't quite as good as others, and as you might suspect some of the feminist angles of a 40-year-old movie about sex aren't always as sharp as they should be, but part of me wishes that Allen had taken this sort of approach more often to his pictures, telling quick tales with an overriding theme.  If you've seen the picture (or read the book), please weigh in with your thoughts or what your favorite scenes are below!

Losing the EGOT

Occasionally I find myself sorting through particularly random trivia, and one of my favorite bits of trivia surrounds the younger of the acting Redgrave sisters.  While Vanessa was the great actor of her generation, Lynn had something else special about her.  Lynn managed to be the only person in the history of entertainment to receive nominations for an Emmy, Oscar, Grammy, and Tony award...and not win any.

This is of course both a huge compliment and an enormous disappointment.  Redgrave managed to get nominated for three Tonys, two Emmys, two Oscars, and a Grammy in her career, something almost every actor would kill for, but you have to assume that she wishes she could have taken the stage just once to accept one of those major awards (to her credit, she did pick up a pair of Golden Globe Awards).

I'm always struggling a bit here to get commenters, so I'm hoping some of you will see the chance for awards trivia and jump on it, as this list is likely not comprehensive despite my exhaustive Wikipedia efforts.  What I am trying to do is predict who would be the next person to pull off the feat of losing all four of the EGOT trophies will be.  As far as my research has discovered I have found five people who have been nominated for and lost three of these awards and are still kicking so they could go on to lose the fourth.  I am sure, though, that there must be more-if you know of one, share in the comments and I'll be happy to give you credit.  Until then, here are the five people who could follow in Ms. Redgrave's footsteps if they can make it to the top (almost).

Gabriel Byrne

Nomination He's Missing: Oscar
Emmys Lost: 2008 and 2009-Lead Actor in a Drama (In Treatment)
Grammys Lost: 1998-Spoken Word Album (The Nightingale and the Rose)
Tonys Lost: 2000-Lead Actor in a Play (A Moon for the Misbegotten)
He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: He did win a Golden Globe for his work on In Treatment

Can He Seal the Deal?: The trick to "pulling a Lynn Redgrave" (patent-pending) is to be able to make positions second through fifth, but not manage to grab first.  I think that Byrne could well nab an Oscar nomination, considering he is a multi-hyphenate entertainer (he not only acts, but also writes, directs, and produces), and doesn't seem too likely to win any of the other awards anytime soon.  He rarely does Broadway and his television show isn't on anymore-this seems like one of the more likely of the five (I did the list alphabetically, so there was no leading toward the victor here).

Ed Harris

Nomination He's Missing: Grammy
Emmys Lost: 2005-Lead Actor in a Miniseries (Empire Falls), 2012-Supporting Actor in a Miniseries (Game Change)
Oscars Lost: 1995-Supporting Actor (Apollo 13), 1998-Supporting Actor (The Truman Show), 2000-Lead Actor (Pollock), 2002-Supporting Actor (The Hours)
Tonys Lost: 1986-Actor in a Play (Precious Sons)
He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: He has two Golden Globe awards, for The Truman Show and Game Change

Can He Seal the Deal?: For a long time there, it seemed like Ed Harris would surely win an Oscar.  He received a staggering four nominations in the span of seven years, and one could make a pretty convincing argument that he was in second in two, if not three of those years (Amy Adams-take note).  Harris has since fallen on hard times with the Academy and has had no more luck with Emmy.  This of course could happen, as the Spoken Word Album category can slip someone in at almost any time, and Harris is famous enough that he could make it for some reading of Shakespeare or Arthur Miller.  However, he's never been a particularly "awards-seeking" performer (otherwise he would have beaten James Coburn in 1998), and I don't see this happening.  Picking up an Emmy at some point is probably more likely.

Kate Nelligan

Nomination She's Missing: Grammy
Emmys Lost: 1989-Actress in a Drama Series (Road to Avonlea)
Oscars Lost: 1991-Supporting Actress (The Prince of Tides)
Tonys Lost: 1983-Actress in a Play (Plenty), 1984-Actress in a Play (A Moon for the Misbegotten), 1988-Featured Actress in a Play (Serious Money), 1989-Actress in a Play (Spoils of War)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She did win a BAFTA for Frankie and Johnny

Can She Seal the Deal?: The longtime Canadian stage actress enjoyed most of her awards-success at the Tonys, where in the 1980's she was a frequent contender but always missed (it can't feel too bad losing to the likes of Jessica Tandy and Glenn Close, though).  Her one-and-done nomination in 1991 at the Oscars makes her the person who has been on this list the longest, and as a whole she rarely acts anymore (on the stage or otherwise), so unless she has a particular penchant to get involved with an album and score a truly random nomination, this seems like the least likely of the five to happen.  It is interesting, though, how such a comparatively obscure (certainly the least well-known of these five) actress could so quickly score 3/4 of an EGOT loss.

Kathleen Turner

Nomination She's Missing: Emmy
Grammys Lost: 2001-Spoken Word Album (The Complete Shakespeare Sonnets)
Oscars Lost: 1986-Lead Actress (Peggy Sue Got Married)
Tonys Lost: 1990-Actress in a Play (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), 2005-Actress in a Play (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She has two Golden Globes for Romancing the Stone and Prizzi's Honor.

Can She Seal the Deal?: Of the five, I think this is probably the most shocking person on the list, considering that she almost certainly was close to getting nominated at the Emmys for playing Chandler's mother on Friends.  I would suspect, therefore, that she's also the most likely person to pull the Lynn Redgrave of these five.  She just needs a solid guest spot on a cable television series (probably not too hard considering their penchant for going for former headliners of a certain age for guest roles), and to not win the Tony Award (she probably would have won in 2005, but no one was going to take out Cherry Jones in Doubt).  I think that's manageable, and that she's probably going to make it thanks to the bizarre dozens-of-people-nominated Shakespeare Sonnets nomination she got in 2001.

Vanessa Williams

Nominations She's Missing: Oscar
Emmys Lost: 2007, 2008, and 2009-Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series (Ugly Betty), 2009-Performer in an Animated Program (Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies)
Grammys Lost: 1989-New Artist and Female R and B Performance ("The Right Stuff"), 1990-Female R and B Performance ("Dreamin"), 1992-Female R and B Performance ("Runnin' Back to You"), 1993-Record of the Year ("Save the Best for Last"), Female Pop Vocal Performance ("Save the Best for Last"), Female R and B Vocal Performance ("The Comfort Zone"), and Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals ("Love Is"), 1995-Female Pop Vocal Performance ("Colors of the Wind") and Female R and B Performance ("The Way That You Love"), 1997-Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album (Star Bright)
Tonys Lost: 2002-Actress in a Musical (Into the Woods)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: She was Miss America, but umm, yeah, maybe she should get a little pity here.

Can She Seal the Deal?: Yeah, that list of Grammy losses is massive.  Williams is one of the most nominated women in the Recording Academy to never win.  Despite her seventeen year absence, I think her best shot would be to pick up one of the below-the-line Grammy Awards rather than take an Oscar nomination.  Williams did sing an Oscar-winning song, of course (1995's "Color of the Wind"), but she's not very much of a songwriter, and the movies have oddly never taken to her like music, television, and the theater.  So my gut says no, she can't quite get there (prove me wrong, casting directors), but may well win one of the other three awards before all is said and done.

Whoops, I missed two (if you know of more, I read literally every comment on this blog, so mention them below and I'll be overjoyed):

James Franco

Nomination He's Mising: Tony
Emmys Lost: 2002-Lead Actor in a Miniseries (James Dean), 2011-Outstanding Special Class Programs (The 83rd Academy Awards...yes, James Franco was nominated for an Emmy for his comically bad hosting of the Oscars...let that sink in for a second)
Oscars Lost: 2010-Best Actor (127 Hours)
Grammys Lost: 2014-Spoken Word Album (Actors Anonymous)
He Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: Franco missed the Emmy but picked up the Golden Globe for his work in James Dean.

Can He Seal the Deal? Yes, I think he can.  Franco recently did a turn on Broadway in Of Mice and Men and while he missed out on a nomination there (instead the citation went to his co-lead Chris O'Dowd), he's the sort of person who probably saw the "Losing the EGOT" title (come on-James Franco is the sort of celebrity who googles himself) and thought it was a solid quirk to add to his To Do list, so I suspect that he'll be back relatively soon.  The question is whether or not he'll get a win in the meantime, and I have a feeling he won't.  His cinematic output is impressive, but it's usually staid adaptations of books you read in AP Lit, and he's never hosting anything ever again, so absent a Guest Actor win (which he couldn't even score for 30 Rock...and everyone scored those for 30 Rock), I think he's probably in the market for this title.

Marsha Mason

Nomination She's Missing: Tony
Emmys Lost: 1997-Guest Actress in a Comedy (Frasier)
Oscars Lost: 1973-Best Actress (Cinderella Liberty), 1977-Best Actress (The Goodbye Girl), 1979-Best Actress (Cinderella Liberty), and 1981-Best Actress (Only When I Laugh)
Grammys Lost: 2000-Best Comedy Album (The Prisoner of Second Avenue)
She Shouldn't Feel Too Sad: Mason won Golden Globes for both Cinderella Liberty and The Goodbye Girl

Can She Seal the Deal? The better question has to be how has she not?  Marsha Mason is one of my minor obsessions (she's been nominated for four Oscars, is still living, and yet somehow she disappeared off the face of the public sphere after her divorce to Neil Simon), and the real question was how was she ever going to get a Grammy nomination considering how minor her celebrity is.  With the Comedy Album citation, though, she's actually most well-known these days for her work on Broadway, as she's done six different productions in her career and is constantly working in the New York stage.  Make it happen Marcie!

And those are the seven!  Like I said, I researched pretty thoroughly, but if you trivia sleuths have a sixth person let me know!  And of course, if you don't, please discuss-which of these performers is most likely to score the fourth nomination and "pull a Lynn Redgrave?"  Share in the comments!