The Royal Wedding is on Saturday, and while I may or may not watch (my decades-long crush on Prince Harry leaves me with conflicting feelings on whether or not I can watch him get hitched while I am still very much "the single"), I can't just ignore the moment, so without further adieu, I shall make my Vegas odds chart for the Royal shindig:
Meghan Markle's dress is "better" than Kate's (or at least that's what 1000 random websites you've never heard of claim): 2-1
Princess Beatrice wears the crazier hat: 5-2
Elton John does a surprise performance: 3-1
The new couple becomes the Duke and Duchess of Sussex: 4-1
Sarah Ferguson still shows up at one of the after-parties despite not being invited to wedding: 6-1
Guy Pelly flirts with at least two of Meghan Markle's cousins before someone reminds him that he's married: 8-1
Princess Eugenie wears the crazier hat: 9-1
David & Victoria Beckham arrive late, but look fabulous so no one cares: 10-1
Theresa May misspells Meghan in her morning-of statement to a wedding she wasn't invited to: 12-1
Queen Elizabeth II Smiles: 50-1
Prince Philip Smiles: 75-1
The camera pans to Camilla Parker-Bowles at the first mention of Diana: I can't give this one to you until I know on a scale from '1 to Graham Norton' how gay the video operator is.
Princess Michael of Kent makes a horribly racist choice with her fashion: 100-1, unless the Queen got distracted and forgot to approve her clothes, in which case 3-2
Odds that Mike Tindall shows up on a motorcycle: 500-1
Odds that Chelsy Davys pulls a Ben Braddock at the ceremony: 1000-1
Odds that it's Cressida Bonas: 2500-1
Kate reveals she's pregnant again during the ceremony: 5000-1
Least likely royal to get drunk at the reception: Prince Edward
Most likely royal to get drunk at the reception: With Harry distracted, my money is on Ella Windsor
Piers Morgan tweets something obnoxious: Evergreen
Someone on your Facebook chastises you for obsessing about the Royal Wedding, calling it "stupid": Have you ever been on the internet?
Odds Harry looks sexy-as-hell on his big day: Eternal
No comments:
Post a Comment