Why It's Awesome: It's not. Thanksgiving is the Pete Best of holiday candy-it doesn't even show up to compete. It occasionally is kind of cute, I suppose, but it tends to get most of its notoriety from other candies (principally Halloween). At least there's always the pie.
Why It Sucks: The most distinctive candies of Thanksgiving are candy corn and the little candy pumpkins, but those are already available at Halloween, so really Thanksgiving is all about creating candy turkeys which loses mad points-this is an eating contest, not a Pinterest board.
Best Candy of the Season: We'll get there with Halloween. Though if anyone knows if the gumballs pictured above actually exist, please write where I can find them in the comments as a Turkey gumball is something I need to have in my person.
Why It's Awesome: One word: chocolate. While most other holidays circle around some version of unique candies, what drives Valentine's Day is all of the chocolate options. We're not just stuck with seasonally-wrapped Milky Way and Snickers, but instead we have heart-shaped boxes of chocolates filled with caramel, truffles, and any variety of cherries, whether cordialed or nougat. Plus, it's a solid option whether you're dating someone (great gift!) or single (great comfort food!).
Why It Sucks: Inevitably you get the lemon nougat or the marzipan candy as your last option, and you regret not looking at the back of the chocolate box for the guide...except looking at the back of the chocolate box is kind of like admitting you officially have no adventure left in your life. Also, there's the whole "it's Valentine's Day" thing that sort of sucks the life out of the candy if you are on an anti-love kick. Plus, candy hearts are disgusting (though they encourage reading...tossup there).
Best Candy of the Season: The cinnamon jelly hearts from Brach's are just tart enough that you need some water but sweet enough that you can totally eat the whole bag without blinking, the sign of a great candy.
Why It's Awesome: Honestly Christmas is my favorite holiday, partially because there's something so comforting about the fact that no one seems to care that things have thousands of calories, a luxury not afforded to other celebrations. Plus, there is just SO MUCH candy at Christmas-it really is one of those holidays where every area of the world has its own little stamp of fun for the holiday.
Why It Sucks: Not sucks, exactly, but though it beats Valentine's Day in amount of candy, there's not a lot of distinctive candy at Christmas outside of something like a candy cane, which I think we all can agree is pretty bottom-of-the-pyramid in terms of candy. I mean, isn't it just an Altoid with food coloring? Plus, unlike other holidays, Christmas has a lot of other dessert competition from cake, fudge, and cookies, so candy takes the back seat there.
Best Candy of the Season: I swear I'm not a shill for Brach's, but honestly I really enjoy the Brach's Christmas nougats if we're talking specific candies. I can't eat a whole bag (mint is too intense for that), but I'll eat most of it.
Why It's Awesome: The candy is largely free, and it's everywhere. All of the candy companies bring their A-game, providing the best combination packs you can find (personal favorite: the Kit Kat/Reese's, which you can admittedly get year-round now). The entire reason for the season is candy-it doesn't have other obligations associated with it other than your doorbell ringing for an hour.
Why It Sucks: There's not a lot of candy that is unavailable the rest of the year. The packages may be bigger, but Halloween is mostly about the indulgence of eating candy, not about specific candies that aren't available the rest of the year. Even the variety packs have been sort of ruined by the candy companies where you can find them the remainder of the annum.
Best Candy of the Season: If we're just doing Halloween-only, I'm going with the...Brach's Mellowcreme Pumpkins (to quote vintage Grace Helbig, "not a sponsor...but I'm open to it!"). They're so yummy, and diverse. You can put them on cupcakes, in a Halloween trail mix (that's designed for people who don't actually exercise), and in your mouth.
Why It's Awesome: That hallelujah chorus isn't just due to the church you went to this morning, it's also because Easter is the greatest time of year for candy. Forget the fact that it is chock-full of iconic candies (oh the places Cadbury will go, plus jelly beans!!!), you've also got the best iterations of all main-stream candies. You have Snickers...in the shape of a delicious egg. You have Milky Way...in the shape of a delicious egg. You have Reese's (you see where I'm going here)...in the shape of a delicious egg. You know how Easter moves around each year? I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy between the Pope and your dentist.
Why It Sucks: It doesn't...well, those Robin's Egg gumballs aren't as good as you remembered, and Brach's kind of drops the ball here (unless they make those marshmallow rabbits...which they do...forgiveness granted). Otherwise you're all set. And anyone who brings up Peeps clearly has never put one between a Hershey bar and some graham crackers, put it in the microwave for 15 seconds, and had their world rocked.
Best Candy of the Season: I know this is, like Peeps, one of the more controversial candies, but the Cadbury Creme Egg is my personal cocaine. I will actually be out tomorrow hoarding them at random Targets so that I can keep my liquid sugar-induced high going until May Day.
What are your thoughts? Which holiday has the best or worst candy? Share in the comments! And Happy Easter!
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