Why Are There No Good Movies?

There's a problem going on at your local multiplex and it's nothing to do with the projector.  Nor is it to do with the unfathomable amount of calories in the popcorn.  Nor is it even to do with those arcade games that tween boys play that are at like every movie theater and yet as an adult you totally forget exist.  No, the problem is and has been for weeks now that there are no good movies in theaters.  It's kind of staggering.  Honestly-look at this past weekend, where Home and Get Hard, two films with abysmal Rotten Tomatoes scores somehow ended up being massive hits.

And this isn't surprising at all.  It's not just that these are bad movies making a lot of money-that happens all the time (Michael Bay has made a career out of it), but it's also that the movies are really the only option.  I'm going through my local AMC lineup, and the only movies that are there are either tripe or films you would have seen weeks ago if you're an avid moviegoer.  Along with the top two from the Box Office, the only other films playing a full showing and not one of those random-4:00 viewings are Do You Believe?, Insurgent, Run All Night, The Gunman, Cinderella and It Follows, the latter two being the only ones with a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and if you're a film fan at all you've already seen Cinderella if only to stop the movie theater shakes.

Usually my cinematic respite at this time of year is the Art House cinemas nearby, but even they have their limits and they appear to be reached.  Many of the films playing there have been in theaters for weeks like Still Alice, Wild Tales, and The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (the latter of which we will review this afternoon-I'll hopefully get to Wild Tales, which I saw a bit ago, later this week).  Other films include movies that seem largely uninspired like Danny Collins (does anyone need to see Al Pacino go through yet another mid-life crisis-can't someone stretch this once stunning actor again?) or Serena (which is more of a "curio in awfulness" right now than a film anyone actually wants to watch).  Largely none of these films are movies that are worth the price of admission, and unless you live in a New York City or Los Angeles, your options beyond your local art house cinemas (presuming you even have one) are to stay home or go to a film like Get Hard just to see some decent trailers.

Some may respond, "but it's March!" which is the equivalent of complaining about TV sucking during July, but the reality is that television by-and-large has gone to great lengths to address the Summer doldrums.  For starters, this is when a lot of people will launch some of their edgy, ratings-starved or brand new shows in hopes of building an audience in a time when no one is focusing on broadcast.  Recent critical-hits like Penny Dreadful, Halt and Catch Fire, and The Leftovers all premiered during the summer last year, and I suspect this will continue as major networks like Showtime, AMC, and HBO continue to churn out more critical/commercial hits than they have room for on the schedule.  No longer is Summer a total suck of energy on TV's schedule.  Plus, Summer is when you give shows a chance on Netflix, which still feels new since you haven't seen them before, a solution movie theaters don't really have (though with all of the sequels, remakes, and re-releases there they sure are trying).

And this is bad for the movies, because like it or not, TV and movies are in a bit of an eyeball war lately.  I am sick-to-death of the constant laziness of writing about the "Golden Age of Television" (sorry, but that ended a bit ago, probably with the end of Breaking Bad).  Television, especially if you were to take HBO out of the equation, doesn't really have the critical cache that it did five years ago, though there are of course lots of good program options in the same way that there are a lot of good movies each year if you actually look for them.  However, the more dreck you see at the movies, the less you're going to shop there; it's Consumer Behavior 101.  The movies cannot afford to have such a bleak season for months on end, not restarting again after the Oscars until May.  Quality counter-programming is probably what you need here.  I'm not asking for an Avengers to launch in March (though I think you'd be surprised at how well a quality B-Grade action film that's still fun would do in an atypical slot-just look at Guardians of the Galaxy last year for proof).  I am, however, asking for some more adult dramas.  The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is making a very tidy profit with that argument, and you saw last year that this time of year isn't a death knell for your awards chances if you want to go that route (The Grand Budapest Hotel cleaned up at the Oscars, the Box Office, and was a March release).  There's no reason not to make quality risks this time of year instead of just making K-Mart bargain bin titles.  Because you're losing money by not getting in the game-as Home and Get Hard proved this weekend, people still want to go to the movies in March.  Just imagine how many more would go if the movies you made were, you know, actually worth seeing.