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| Connor Franta |
There are a number of different ways that I could take this particular announcement. I could congratulate Connor on his coming out (indeed-saying those two words is one of the hardest things a gay or lesbian person has to say, and he's right in the sense that you have so much trouble saying the words the first time you tell someone). I could write about how weirdly his journey mirrored my own, even though he's a bit younger than me (both from a small Minnesota town, both going through denial and knowing that we're different, even if you couldn't quite put the finger on why). I could write about the "being gay doesn't define me" comment, but I'm saving that for a few weeks from now and Connor won't be included (he gets a pass in this regard-he just came out-there's still a bit of internal homophobia that he needs to work through, and that'll take some time).
No, instead I'm going to discuss a truly random aspect of this-the "I already knew" comment that comes when you're coming out, and when to use it and when to bite your tongue. The reality is for Mr. Franta, whose videos I watch with incredible regularity (Frantastic Mondays, y'all!) that I knew he was gay. You don't need particularly adept gaydar to conclude that his mannerisms, affinity for cats and lattes, and his ridiculously perfectly manicured face/hair add up to a Friend of Dorothy. And yet, I remember coming out of the closet and frequently HATING when people said that they already knew.
Part of this, admittedly, was that there is a bit of homophobia we have to work through when we first come out of the closet. We've now come to the realization that we're gay, and accepted that fact (sometimes begrudgingly with a lot of tears, anger, and depression). However, we're still coming to terms with how other people are going to perceive us: both our friends and our prospective mates. And like it or not, there's a lot of homophobia in the gay community: if you doubt it, play a drinking game on Grindr of taking a shot every time you see "No Fems" or "Masc Only" and see how quickly liver damage sets in. I'm not projecting this on Connor, who I'm guessing said this more to reassure his fans that it'll be the same old videos going forward, but it's something we all have to grasp and be aware of as we either come out or help someone come out.
That being said, part of what sucks about the "I already knew" comment is that we've been agonizing in the closet, and it's a bit of a slap in the face when we realize that we didn't have to go through that. I am thinking specifically of one of my friends who treated it as "I already knew" and as a result treated it as no big deal. And I think that's where the difference comes in; most of my friends, in reality, were aware I was gay long before I told them. I was an Oscar fanatic Democrat who loved Gilmore Girls and the only sport I enjoyed was swimming. Again-the gaydar didn't need to be tuned too hard. But when I came out to them, they realized it was a big deal for me, because I was being honest with myself. Admittedly, I was partially glad that they already knew I was gay (after all, that means they still loved me anyway), but I was more glad that they realized what a big step this was for me personally. I realized that there was no escaping something that was of course inescapable, and instead of feeding the anger and depression, I had decided to address it head-on, and take whatever licks came my way.
And that's why, even though I saw it coming, I'm damn proud of Connor as he starts a crazy new journey that will define him, but in ways that he never really realized. Being gay is a BIG part of your life, but it's not the only part and it becomes something that less nags at you and more is there for you to celebrate and always be proud you took the step to say two tiny, but very big words.
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