Two Years In...A Covid Update

It's been well over two years of the pandemic at this point, though for me, at least, it's not quite two years of it "feeling" like the pandemic.  In mid-February of 2020, I was definitely aware of Covid, though not necessarily as a constant worry in my world (though it was about this time that I had a giant container of hand sanitizer on my desk at work).  I was definitely still going on dates, was definitely still going to the movies, I was even going to a play at about this time two years ago in a crowded bar, no masks, sitting next to four family members over sixty.  This wasn't "bad behavior" yet, and it certainly wasn't a defiant statement...we just didn't know what the behavior we were supposed to exhibit was yet.  It would be a few more weeks before I would finally see my life change, likely forever, when I was cancelling tickets to movies & plays I'd already bought, sheepishly wearing the masks I had in my garage for leaf-blowing at the grocery store (and looking confusedly at the people at the end of shopping aisles, us not knowing yet how to navigate these new waters), and feeling the constant sense of unrest of having my entire life capsized by a quarantine.

While we are nearing that two year anniversary, I wanted to reflect on the state of Covid.  In many ways, with the latest Omicron wave, things feel like they are less "normal" and more "this is how it is now" when it comes to life.  In some ways this feels okay.  I don't mind wearing masks, and I also don't feel mad anymore when other people don't wear them-I feel like for some it's a bit of extra security, and that's what they need to get out, and for others the vaccine/booster feel like enough (I still have no sympathy for those who don't partake in vaccination).  I do go to the movies, to restaurants, to plays, and have traveled (albeit not yet internationally) over the past year with relative comfort.  About the last thing I'd been putting off has been making the gym a regular part of my life, but that's going to be changing in the coming week (as I navigate the best way to workout & wear a mask).

I also genuinely like working from home, in a way that I always figured I would.  I'm someone that is very matter-of-fact about work-I like it to be separate from the rest of my life as I think it's healthier for me, as I tend to take on stress quickly and without much reprieve, and having work just be that, not something that involves so many office politics...it's something that I enjoy.  I have become more productive, not just in my work but also in the way I run my home life.  During the pandemic I lost a significant amount of weight, made huge breakthroughs on numerous writing, home, & movie projects, and have finally found a budget that I can manage.

But in the past few months, I'll admit, the reality that this is what will become the new normal has shaken me up a little bit.  I was getting used to the idea that things were getting better, that life was getting better, but in the past three months...most of my momentum stalled out.  After a wondrous trip to Los Angeles, where I got to finally feel truly like myself again (I never feel more energized than when I'm exploring a new place), things fell in sharp decline.  The Christmas season felt too short & far too lonely, and with Omicron hitting from every corner, many traditions I'd spent months looking forward to after a year off got thrown asunder.  January got worse.  Multiple cases of Covid (none serious, but obviously requiring strict quarantines) within my friend group meant that I spent most of that time alone, even by post-March 2020 standards.  Without the glow of the Christmas season & the structure that that brings, January & February have felt like the loneliest months I've had in over a year, perhaps getting back to the days of the full quarantine.  And unlike that time frame, when I could find the light at the end of the tunnel being the vaccine & a return to normal, I knew that wasn't the case here.  We are not getting a "better" than this...we are only getting a "make this work" situation now.

I normally end articles like this by saying that I have a plan, because I always have a plan, but...I don't know if I have a plan right now.  I think we, especially if we live alone & work from home, need to figure out a way to feel like we're part of something in the world, and I think we need to make a point of prioritizing that.  I think it needs to be okay that you admit that you're lonely, and that you lean on people in a way you didn't before to say "I need you to help me feel important."  I think personal pride is important and I think self-worth comes from within...I also think that even the strongest of people can't sustain that on their own.  We need to build each other up, and we need to admit that in a new world where our social circles may have shrunk & our time together is unsteady, that it's okay to admit you need help, and you need people to lift you up.

So while I don't know what's next for me (I know me well enough that I will eventually get past this, and have a new plan or project or self-investment that will either solve my unrest or at least distract me until I come up with a better idea), I am going to call on you, if you're reading this to text someone who matters to you.  Make a plan to hang out or ask them about their day, and really listen when they talk about what they're doing; don't make them be the one to make the first move.  Make them feel special or that you're proud of them.  If that's how you feel, tell them that they're special and that you're proud of them.  We are in a world that oftentimes doesn't make sense, but that means sharing love & making sure people feel valued as they sort through this uncertainty is more important now than it ever was.  We may never get to be "normal" again, but that doesn't mean we can't feel better again.