It's about to be the weekend, so I decided it might be fun to do a totally arbitrary list of sorts as a cleanser from a very long week (I'm hoping & praying that someday soon the weeks will be a bit more manageable). When I'm stressed out, I tend to fall into a pattern where I watch the same show over-and-over-again, and for some reason the last couple of weeks it's been just repeat viewings of different Epic Rap Battles of History face-offs, and so I thought why not make lemonade here and do a Top 10 rundown of my favorite battles from the show (I double-checked, and despite being a fan of this series I've never done this before on the blog). I know the show has myriad fans, so counter in the comments if you disagree!
10. "Che Guevera vs. Guy Fawkes"
Why This Battle: If you get into an ERB binge, you'll notice that perhaps the show's most noticeable flaw is that they use similar beats and rhyme schemes throughout the battles (inevitable after all of these years), so it was awesome in one of the most recent videos that we saw them mix it up with a slower beat, which allowed Rob Rico (incredibly sexy as Che Guevera) come alive against Nice Peter's Guy Fawkes.
Favorite Lyric: "All the children say we will be like Che, asthmatic, but I'll take your breath away"
Who Won?: Che, by a landslide. Guy gets some of the better insults, but Rico's Che is too smooth not to fall for him.
9. "Jim Henson vs. Stan Lee"
Why This Battle: It's hilarious to me that two of the seemingly nicest men in entertainment got pitted against each other, and perhaps ERB realized this when they had the two make up in the middle...then hilariously watched as two artists get a "clobbering" by Walt Disney as a corporate overlord
Favorite Lyric: "I'm impressed by all the vision that it took for you to sign your name on all of Jack Kirby's comic books"
Who Won?: I'd probably give it to Nice Peter's Jim Henson, though Zach Sherwin as Walt Disney is terrifying as the proper villain of this clip, malevolent with a smile.
8. "Adam vs. Eve"
Why This Battle: Arguably the raunchiest battle of the series, we have Jenna Marbles as Eve vs. Epic Lloyd's Adam, and they spit rhymes combining both insults about the biblical figures and just general gender stereotypes. The best part is the ending, when Adam goes too far & gets hell for it.
Favorite Lyric: "One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel, ditch the fig leaf and get yourself a pine needle" (see, wasn't kidding about the blue)
Who Won?: You don't get into a "who can give the more profane insult" challenge against Jenna Marbles and come away walking. Eve by a mile.
7. "Romeo & Juliet vs. Bonnie & Clyde"
Why This Battle: Having two star-crossed lovers both battle seemed like a no-brainer (as does the inevitable ending), but perhaps the best meta-moment in the whole video would be having real-life best friends Hannah Hart & Grace Helbig spit ruthless flow about each other. Hartbig shippers beware.
Favorite Lyric: "Pop a cap in the ass of the last Capulet heiress, and give miss no nights in Paris a reason to cry to her parents"
Who Won?: Probably Bonnie & Clyde, who had the better rhymes and insults (Romeo & Juliet's were less original), but my favorite work here is Grace as Juliet, playing so against type you desperately wish she'd make more movies so we could see this side of her.
6. "Rasputin vs. Stalin"
Why This Battle: Unlike, say, a superhero movie, ERB is almost always at its best when it throws in extra and surprise MC's. Here, we get almost an entire history of Russia, with not only Rasputin & Stalin, but also Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin.
Favorite Lyric: "If your name ends with 'in' time to get out"
Who Won?: I'm going to go with Lenin, who gets some of the best historical references into his lyrics (I am a sucker for that on this show, as you'll see while we get further down), though Gorbachev is a close second.
5. "Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates"
Why This Battle: Of perhaps all of the videos on this list, this might be on here most because of the beat, and almost certainly from the first flow from Jobs, who doesn't even wait for the announcer to introduce him he's so eager to get started. Throw in a Hal 9000 reference at the end, and I'm sold.
Favorite Lyric: "I make the product that the artist chooses and the GUI that Melinda uses"
Who Won?: Not even close-Nice Peter's Steve Jobs is possibly his best performance on the series.
4. "Artists vs. TMNT"
Why This Battle: This rap is also on this list for its first verse. Having Rhett & Link pair up with Ian & Anthony (arguably old school YouTube's most famous duos) to play the four legendary artists was clever, but having them all work SO well together was a testament to their natural chemistry with each other. Listen to that intro-the transitions are flawless.
Favorite Lyric: "Deemed dope by the Pope and I boned til I croaked"
Who Won?: The artists-the turtles look almost winded after seeing how good the artists are.
3. "Gordon Ramsey vs. Julia Child"
Why This Battle: Perfectly succinct, and relatively evenly-matched, pitching the beloved French Chef against the irate British one feels inevitable, but they perfectly cast here with Epic Lloyd taking on none other than Mamrie Hart, sincerely the funniest person on YouTube and arguably the most-talented actress on the platform. Her Julia Child accent is so good (not even a hint of her typical Southern twang) that I genuinely watched the behind-the-scenes video to figure out how she did it.
Favorite Lyric: "I served America dutifully and I slice lard beautifully, I reign supreme from shark repellents to charcuterie"
(For reference, Child during World War II worked for the OSS and helped to create a shark repellent for naval ships, and eventually spaceships)
Who Won?: If you don't think I'll give this to Mamrie, we haven't met yet.
2. "Steven Spieberg vs. Alfred Hitchcock"
Why This Battle: Combining something I love (film directors) with enough references to make my movie-loving heart bounce, this is a visual delight. Look at the way that each background matches the stylistic motifs of the actual directors (all five of them-it's an all-star battle), and you can appreciate the detail that goes into ERB and why repeat viewings are mandatory.
Favorite Lyric: "I rock the Academy and the DGA-you rock as many Oscars as that hack Michael Bay"
Who Won?: I'm going to go with Kubrick, who has the best combination of visual cues, raps, and is unique enough that it stands out against the other four. But really-all home runs.
1. "Alexander the Great vs. Ivan the Terrible "
Why This Battle: Because it might be the best original video on all of YouTube? Honestly, I think you should probably see a few other ERB's so you can appreciate how smart this is with a little context, but everyone is terrific in this video from ERB regulars like Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd to Meghan Tonjes getting her sing-rapping on (hiring Tonjes, an actual singer, to be Catherine the Great was choice).
Favorite Lyric: "Out of the gate first servant of state, oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight"
Who Won?: This is Epic Lloyd's best rap-in literally 12 bars he'll leave your mouth hanging wide as Frederick the Great.
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