My Take on Presidential Traditions

We continue on with our election-themed week with, since it's a Saturday, perhaps the silliest moment of the week where I try and tackle some of the presidential traditions and how I would handle them.  If you're saying "this is getting out-of-hand John," well, you're probably right, and also, this is still less crazy than what the president has literally said in the past hour (and know that I wrote this two weeks ago so I have no way of knowing what he said in the last hour).  Anyway, here are some of the things I'd do in terms of 25 presidential traditions and how I'd handle them.

1. I would submit my family "Monster Cookie" recipe for Family Circle's annual contest.
2. I would release my tax returns, and would also work to pass a law requiring major-party candidates for president and vice president to release their tax returns.
3. I would put my presidential library at my alma mater, and I would (like Selina Meyer) have a replica of the Oval Office where you could sit behind the Resolute Desk.
4. The china patterns would be off-white in the center, with three rings of color: the shade of blue from the Minnesota state flag, royal purple (for being the first gay president), and silver (to show I am the opposite of the gold-bedecked colors of the Trump administration).
5. I would include portraits/ statues of Robert Kennedy, Harry Truman, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Rosa Parks in the Oval Office.  I would make a point of keeping Trump's official presidential portrait at the National Portrait Gallery, so I wouldn't have to look at it every day.
6. The presidential tradition I would most look forward to would be the Kennedy Center Honors.
7. The presidential tradition I would least look forward to would be throwing the opening pitch for the baseball opener...I would probably have to practice a bit on that one.
8. I would not golf while president, and would instead have normal business meetings in a normal business setting because I am not a bro nor am I a good 'ol boy.  If I have to have a "chummy" business meeting, it would be in the White House movie theater.
9. I would have dogs and cats in the White House, because I like both and because I'd want to celebrate both animals...plus after Trump we need at least one non-controversial member of the First Family, and if it can't be me than it can at least be a pet.
10. I'd throw more state dinners.  I think after Trump we'd need a bit more actual glamour back in the White House, and also we'd need to start making amends with our allies in a big way by embarrassing them through those ridiculous press conferences that Trump throws.
11. I would probably keep presidential vacations to a minimum, making sure that I go maybe 2-3 times a year at best, and making a point to use Camp David for at least one of those so as to minimize Secret Service costs.
12. I would do an appearance on Saturday Night Live during the campaign, but not after actually winning the White House.
13. I would continue to do the White House Correspondents Dinner and the Al Smith Dinner, even though I don't really think they're appropriate, but I'd feel a need to extend an olive branch to the press after being heinously mistreated under Trump, and I'm Catholic so the Al Smith Dinner feels like a must.
14. My first international trip would be to the United Kingdom, France, Germany, Norway, the Netherlands, and Poland.
15. My post-presidential charity focus would be on the environment and LGBT-related issues around the world.
16. I would be fine at the Iowa State Fair-I'm from Minnesota, I'm more than capable of eating fried things on a stick without any issue.
17. The first late-night show I'd go on would be Kimmel, followed by Colbert, and then make a point of waiting on Fallon.
18. I would find some way to be a presenter at the Oscars and I would try to attend at least one Olympics while president.
19. I would do a photo shoot of me watching the Super Bowl for five seconds, and then I would get back to actually working.  I would, however, bring the nachos to my next meeting.
20. I would not be able to get through pardoning the turkey without laughing-I'm sorry, it's not possible.
21. I would have to outsource picking my March Madness bracket to a staffer as I know nothing about such things, but I wouldn't let them take longer than ten minutes on it because the idea that the president releases such things I find ridiculous.
22. I would actively work with the DNC Chair and with party leaders to help elect more Democrats across the country, and would be a president that actively campaigns for his party.
23. I would make it a point to visit all 50 states each term.
24. I would make a point of reading a biography of each president while in office as my nightly reading routine, as I like the idea of presidents learning their own histories.
25. I will leave whatever First Gentleman platform issue up to my imaginary husband Oscar Isaac, as he can pick whatever he wants. :)

There you have it-we'll finish up this theme week next week, but until then share your favorite presidential traditions (especially ones I missed) down below!