Shane Dawson and the Bisexual Struggle

Unless you live under a Twitter rock, you know the big news that was sailing around the internet yesterday.  No, it's not Justin Bieber's buttocks (though really, at this point does this even qualify as remotely shocking for Bieber?), but instead Shane Dawson's public confession that he is bisexual.  As a longtime fan of Shane's (whose love has admittedly ebbed and flowed through the years), I was genuinely shocked by this pronouncement.  Unlike recent such videos by the likes of Connor Franta, Troye Sivan, and Joey Graceffa, Dawson's persona has long been built off of his "I may look gay but I am straight" persona, and his show has consistently featured his relationship with fellow YouTuber Lisa Schwartz (whom he revealed in the video he has broken up with now).  As a result, this is a video where I was less looking for details about his personal life and what would be said in that regard, but more genuinely glued to new details (when you watch someone's personal videos for every day for three years straight, you are very interested in such revelations).  What shocked me even more is that the coming out video, which has become almost as commonplace as the Chubby Bunny challenge on YouTube, actually had some news attitudes and content that I hadn't considered before.

Dawson's confession, even if you aren't familiar, is heartbreaking but not in the ways that you'd necessarily expect.  In the video he talks about his personal demons with his sexuality, particularly in high school when he suffered from depression and from a weight disorder (he at one point weighed 400 pounds), and his struggles around his sexual attraction to both men and women.  He discussed his past relationships with women, and how he has only had two serious girlfriends, but also how he constantly struggled with his sexuality and his emotions toward both genders.  As a result, he even at one point proclaims, "for so many years, I have wished I was just gay, because that would have been easier," which is a heartbreaking confession and one that I think we all can understand, particularly myself as bi-erasure in the GLBT community is something that is constantly happening.

When you're gay, you frequently get a specific set of questions.  In fact, when people are going to ask me a question about being gay, I know it's going to be one of four queries: "when did you know you were gay," "how do you decide which one is 'the man'""is (insert person's name here) gay" and probably the most surprising for those that aren't gay-"so what's your opinion on bisexuals?"  These sorts of questions are never asked in bigotry and I don't get offended by them at all (though can we please retire the "when did you know you were gay?" question as there is literally no answer to the question that isn't a cliche, and I loathe speaking in cliches unless they're clever, which they never are), but with the bisexual question it's a weird one because quite frankly there is a prejudice within the GLBT community between (in particular) lesbians/gays and bisexuals.  Many gays and lesbians view bisexuals as either trying to "latch onto the gay train" or that they are lying about being bisexual as a stepping stone to being gay.  Many men and women that I know have come out as bisexual before eventually coming out as gay, to the point where it's basically an eye-rolling cliche to many in the community.  Even for me, and I sort of hate myself for it after Shane's video, will usually crib a joke from Sex and the City about bisexuals (where they are discussing bisexuality and someone (I can't recall which lady) says that all bisexuals, regardless of gender, all seem to end up with a man in the end).  It's easier than getting into a complicated struggle that I have had with bisexuality in the past (principally because if I were truly bisexual, I would be with a woman because it was easier and more socially acceptable, or at least I would have been when I was making the decision to come out, so it was harder to have the sympathy that I did for gays and lesbians going through the coming out process).

This makes Shane's video have an extra meaning because he clearly had to struggle with that decision and still realize that it wasn't being authentic or honest with where he wanted his life to go.  Shane's heartbreaking video is testament to the bisexual community's unique struggle, and also to his personal trial with realizing that he might be happier exploring both genders.  He very easily could have stayed in relationships with only women, but that wouldn't be truthful to himself, and so this is a courageous act, particularly for someone who has staked so much of his life on "I'm super gay, nah I'm straight" style humor.  It also speaks volumes to his ex-girlfriend Lisa Schwartz, who seems to have supported him in his decision to end the relationship to explore this new aspect of his open life, and who didn't publicly out him afterwards (which she well could have considering their long history).

Overall I found this one of the more fascinating chapters in my YouTube viewing history so far-what about you?  Were you also struck by Shane's video?  If so, share your comments below!