The Best Friend from Childhood
Reason to Pick Her: You've loved her your whole life, she knows what song you used to sing into your hairbrush, who your first crush was, and how to give a speech that won't offend your parents (unless she hits the Chardonnay, and then everything is going to fly).
Reason Not to Pick Her: She tends to get a little jealous of your newer friends who have a more "married life conducive attitude," and occasionally hints that you might be in a lesbian relationship with your new best friend.
Chances She'll Get Drunk at the Wedding: 100%
Chances She'll Sleep with Your Brother: She likely won't-she remembers when he used to flush your Barbies down the toilet and had massive acne.
Her Idea of a Bachelorette Party: Something low-key, likely at your favorite restaurant from when you were growing up, even though you haven't been there in ages because you remember the time you went to second base with your high school boyfriend in one of the bathrooms.
Wedding Gift She'll Be Buying: You know she'll be making a scrapbook or a wonderful music box with a picture of you two as children.
Your New Best Friend
Reason to Pick Her: You spend all of your time now with her-she's at every social event, and unlike your old best friend, your new husband is pals with her husband at well (double date night!). Plus, she can impeccably dress for any cocktail party and you just know that everything will be exquisite.
Reason Not to Pick Her: She tends to take control of every situation, and it is your wedding, isn't it? Then again, the Fritz Bernaise dresses do look lovely.
Chances She'll Get Drunk at the Wedding: 0% (though she may drive some of the other bridesmaids to drinking through incessant nagging and one-upsmanship).
Chances She'll Sleep With Your Brother: None-she's married to your husband's best friend, so your brother is off-the-table.
Her Idea of a Bachelorette Party: A spa weekend in Vegas, with a trip to Celine Dion and plenty of well-coordinated female bonding and $20 salads.
Wedding Gift She'll Be Buying: She'll be getting your favorite band to randomly show up at the dance...and probably still that Baccarat candlestick set you once mentioned you liked.
Your Brother's Single Sister
Reason to Pick Her: You've been getting those darted looks from your future mother-in-law, and isn't this a great peace offering?
Reason Not to Pick Her: You're not 100% certain that she likes you, that she won't do something wildly embarrassing at the ceremony, or that she won't try to sleep with an air marshall on the flight to your bachelorette party.
Chances She'll Get Drunk at the Wedding: Most definitely, but don't worry about the impact it'll have on your open bar-she'll be packing her own flask.
Chances She'll Sleep with Your Brother: 100%, and she'll probably be describing it to you in an ill-timed honeymoon voicemail.
Her Idea of a Bachelorette Party: Going on a hiking safari with nothing but some boots and your wits to guide you through.
Wedding Gift She'll Be Buying: A dozen puppies that she was certain you would want and have room for in your starter house.
That One Cousin Who is the Same Age As You
Reason to Pick Her: You have four other friends that you could pick from, so to make the peace (and get your mother off your back), you go with the only cousin that happens to be your age.
Reason Not to Pick Her: Aside from Christmas (and the Christmas that is celebrated on January 6th, not the actual Christmas), you don't really see her often, and are a little concerned that she's not the same girl who you shared a group limo with at your Prom.
Chances She'll Get Drunk at the Wedding: She'll be drunk before the wedding.
Chances She'll Sleep with Your Brother: She won't sleep with your brother (she's family, after all), but she will have an over-share with you during the groom's supper about her husband's erectile disfunction.
Her Idea of a Bachelorette Party: Male strippers, and plenty of them (also, who is hogging the Jim Beam?)
Wedding Gift She'll Be Buying: A blender (but she'll also include the Rabbit website address in the card).
Your Sweet, New Friend
Reason to Pick Her: Because she knows that you want to be a princess on your wedding day, and is set to make that happen because she clearly knows this is going to be a happily ever after.
Reason Not to Pick Her: You have a feeling that she'll react worse to the caterer forgetting the vegetarian option than you will.
Chances She'll Get Drunk at the Wedding: She won't mean to, but two glasses of champagne and she'll be dancing the Hokey Pokey on the bar (while the DJ is playing "Lady in Red").
Chances She'll Sleep with Your Brother: Slim, but she will clearly comment to everyone about how cute he is.
Her Idea of a Bachelorette Party: Dress up as your favorite princess at Disney World!!!
Wedding Gift She'll Be Buying: A heart-shaped candy dish...that you didn't register for.
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