Stars: Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane, Mare Winningham
Director: Tarsem Singh
Oscar History: 1 nomination (Best Costume)
Snap Judgment Ranking: 2/5 stars
Just a week after our last encounter with the fairest of them all we are once again reciting "once upon a time." This take, unlike the one created by Rupert Sanders, is a bit tarter, a bit cheekier, and quite a bit more cartoonish. Depending on where your personal preferences lie, you will decide which of the two rather mediocre interpretations is the best, but neither will have Disney quaking in its boots.You know this story by heart, so I'll just go over some of the twists the director throws into the film (if you're spoiler averse to a centuries old fairy tale, now is the time). The film throws out much of the Snow White lore of old: gone is the kiss to wake the princess, the traditional talking mirror, the huntsman, the poisoned apple is completely out of context. We still have a vain, aging queen (Roberts), a young, entrapped orphan princess (Collins), and a handsome prince (Hammer), but the rest steals bits from Robin Hood and a half dozen lesser known fairy tales to piece together a tale of an impoverished kingdom, and a princess who must overthrow her manic stepmother to claim her rightful throne (and get her man, as it were).
One of the biggest monkey wrenches, and the first time I've seen this in a Snow White interpretation, is that both the Evil Queen and Snow White are lusting after the same man. Armie Hammer, who could not look more like a Disney prince if he tried (are there any flaws on that man?), is the object of both of their desire, and while the feeble Snow White wants him to save her people, Roberts' Queen is after him both out of love of money (he's loaded) and love of lust (a running gag in the film is Hammer in his underwear, showing up in court). Damn the age difference-she's bound to get her man.
The film, of course, has different designs, and aided by a motley group of dwarves (all with their own distinct, one-dimensional personalities, again ala Disney), Snow White breaks the love spell that the Queen has placed on both the prince, and incidentally, her father, who in a huge twist is revealed to be the beast that terrorizes the village, and is in fact the King (aka Ned Stark, aka Boromir, aka Sean Bean). The Queen, now ravaged by age, does not in fact die, but is merely a poor old woman, and Snow White is victorious.
Where this film goes terribly wrong is by making one of its best decisions, the casting of Roberts. Roberts, a movie star of the highest order (star charisma is a gift that few have, and she's been shining it for nearly 25 years), owns every scene she's in, and unlike with Theron's Queen, where at least Stewart was worth cheering for, she has no nemesis of any nature worth rooting for, making the "happy ending" a massive let down. Collins' Snow White is a wimp-yes, she can handle a sword, but her birds-chirping, sing-song voice and complete lack of worldview make her a terribly unlikable heroine. Additionally, Collins adds nothing to the character, and gives one of the worst star turns I've seen in some time-literally every time she was on camera it seems she was misfiring, underselling her performance and adding no personality to her vacant expressions and line readings. I know that there's a lot of Kristen Stewart haters on the internet, but Stewart at least understands the people she's playing, even if she happens to pick characters that mimic her real life persona and therefore appears to be "cheating."
In contrast to Collins, Roberts is having a ball. I think she's aware that she's playing in a film that she knows is beneath her talents, and perhaps will be an anchor around her filmography's neck (Tarsem Singh is a bombastic director, but he has gumption, and that may have been what attracted her to the role...or maybe she needed a new house in East Hampton). Every time she's lusting after Armie Hammer, barking at Nathan Lane, or challenging Lily Collins, she has so much lightning coming off her performance, it's a pity that there isn't a better project for her. With Nicole Kidman teaming with every auteur director in Europe and Sandra Bullock headlining an epic for Alfonso Cuaron of all people, it seems a shame that Roberts is stuck in this dreck. Julia-tell your agent to find you an Ang Lee or a Guillermo del Toro or a Jane Campion to really challenge you and give you a new lease on your career. Your fans are restless, and want to see another Closer or Erin Brockovich soon.
The film received a sole nomination at the Oscars, and it's in the most appropriate category. The late Eiko Ishioka received a second Oscar nomination (posthumously) for the sumptuous costume feast she lays before us in every corner of the film. Unlike Atwood's dour focus on the Queen above all else approach, Ishioka gives herself a fuller roster of models, and in some cases succeeds brilliantly: the orange and blue dress that Snow White wears toward the end of the film is ravishing, as is the eye-popping yellow hood. In other cases, like the wedding guests who are clearly visiting from the Capitol of Panem, it's a bit of an overreach. Either way, she was a visionary, and it's fun to see her in the running for her final Oscar.
And that's the story, and since the media spent much of this time last year comparing them, I have to ask: which was better for you, Snow White and the Huntsman or Mirror Mirror? Are you with me on the yawn over Lily Collins performance? And which director do you wish Julia Roberts would take a chance with?
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