The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2 (2012)

Film: The Twlight Saga : Breaking Dawn, Part 2 (2012)
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Michael Sheen, Dakota Fanning
Director: Bill Condon
Oscar History: Ha, yeah right. Though it could easily sweep the MTV Movie Awards
Snap Judgment Ranking: 3/5 stars

I'm going to start this write-up with a diatribe, so if you just want to jump straight to Twilight goodness, you should skip to the second paragraph.  I saw this film at a Sunday matinee, and in a packed theater, so I expect things like louder "oohs" and "aahs," potentially some cheering or even wolf whistling when the inevitable shirtless Taylor Lautner moment happens.  However, that is no excuse for someone who lets a two-year-old run rampant, talking and kicking chairs and playing with two blocks, smashing them together.  I get that babysitters are expensive, but so are movie tickets, and you shouldn't punish people by letting your child, who should not be seeing a film with vampires, werewolves, and decapitations in the first place, run rampant and ruin the film for everyone else.  It's irresponsible, selfish, and quite frankly, makes you a terrible parent and film patron.  If you can't find someone to watch the kids, wait to see it-Netflix, Redbox, DVD's, On Demand, there are dozens of ways to see a movie if theaters aren't an option, but don't punish the rest of us by treating the movie theater as your personal living room.

All right, that REALLY bugged me, so I had to get it off of my chest, but let's dive into the movie.  Since we're all confessional right now, I will also share that I'm kind of a Twilight fan.  I'm aware that the plots are hackneyed, that Bella is a horrible role model (though she's much better compared to Anastasia Steele), the acting wooden, and I just don't care.  I still have seen every movie and read every book, have swooned alongside Bella over Jacob and (especially Team) Edward, and I went through my obsession phase with the movies, and so I will admit that I'm a bit sad to see the series close.  We all have our guilty pleasures, and since I don't watch any reality television, do not know any High School Musical songs, and think 1980's teen movies are largely terrible, this gets to be mine.

The last half of this book could have easily been included on the last film, and we all would have been fine, but I digress.  The movie picks up where the last movie left off, with Bella fully transformed into a vampire, Jacob having imprinted on their daughter Renesmee (which is super creepy-I don't care how much they attempt to convince me otherwise), and the Volturi certainly on the move.  We get treated to a couple of fun moments before we dive into the actual plot-the Emmett/Bella arm-wrestling match, the cabin full of clothes, Bella getting into a screaming match with Jacob.  Since we're about to say goodbye to all of these characters, it's nice that nearly every one of them gets a line or a moment to be highlighted.

And then, we get the disappointing histrionics of the movie.  The sad thing for Bill Condon, easily the best director to tackle the series, is that he happened to land the worst of the four books.  For a novel that stretches on for hundreds of pages, it's relatively light on plot, and really, the entire plot of this movie could be summed up as: the Volturi here about Renesmee, decide to go and destroy the Cullens, the Cullens assemble a Benetton ad of vampires, and then they meet and nothing happens.  Seriously, that's the entire plot of this half of the novel.  It's helped by game performers like Lee Pace playing one of the recruited vampires and giving some much-needed life to the film, but overall the entire thing is a bit of a letdown.

The film is not helped out by its clunker of an ending.  Spoilers The movie ends with the Volturi and the Cullen crew gathering in a large field, with the Volturi looking to destroy the Cullens, and then Alice, who has the power of seeing the future, comes to the rescue and shows the Volturi what will happen if they attack the Cullens.  Of course, Condon "cleverly" makes it seem as if this is actually happening, even though any person who has seen more than two movies will be able to see the fake-out (which shows them killing Carlyle and Jasper, amongst many others).  The film ends with the happy ending that we've always wanted for Edward and Bella, and shows a flashback of the past movies, their romance, and eventually all of the characters.

The acting in the films is usually the thing that serves as the biggest punching bag, and with the exception of Pace, I have to agree with the critics in this case.  They hire someone as excellent as Dakota Fanning, and yet I don't know if they actually had her speak the entire movie.  I'm not 100% certain what Michael Sheen is doing in this film-perhaps channeling Vincent Price in the latter part of his over-the-top career-but some restraint may have been in store.  And while Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson can act (I can't say the same for Taylor Lautner and his splendid deltoids), they don't really take that opportunity here.

So you may be asking, why the 3 star review when I largely panned it?  Because we all need our guilty pleasures, and this is mine.  I'm not giving it an Oscar (it doesn't deserve one), but for me these characters are beloved, and I will admit that I can't 100% be unbiased (though New Moon was terrible, and even I can admit that).  That's my prerogative-you share yours in the comments!