Disobedience (2018)

Film: Disobedience (2018)
Stars: Rachel Weisz, Rachel McAdams, Alessandro Nivola
Director: Sebastian Lelio
Oscar History: No nominations
Snap Judgment Ranking: 4/5 stars

While we finished up the 2018 movies for OVP (there's one exception, but I'm hoping to do a week of Starz "free week" binging where I will see that, and I need to be thoughtful about when I do that so I can get all of the showings in while it's still free), we still had three movies from 2018 that I hadn't reviewed yet that felt good or "important" enough that I wanted to give them full reviews rather than a mini review section as is occasionally are wont.  Today starts a three day journey where we'll be finishing these films and closing the chapter completely on 2018, at least until we return to the annum with the year's OVP discussion.  The first of the films I wanted to get to from last year that we hadn't covered was Disobedience, the kind of quiet, sturdy film you assume will be instantly forgotten, but instead stays with you, thanks in no small part to terrific work from all three lead actors.

(Spoilers Ahead) The movie focuses on Ronit (Weisz), who was once a member of a group of strict Orthodox Jews who live in North London but now enjoys a more liberal life in New York, largely having abandoned her roots.  Her father, one of the Ravs (a leader in the community), has passed away, and as his only daughter she feels she must return to the community for the funeral.  There she stays with her old childhood friend David (Nivola) and his shy wife Esti (McAdams).  Esti was both of their childhood friend, and Ronit seems visibly upset that the two have married.  We get the impression at first that she's upset about this because of either a betrayal of friendship or perhaps it's because David used to be a romantic interest for her, but as the film continues, we learn that it was Esti that was once Ronit's lover.  We realize that Ronit is bisexual and that Esti is a lesbian who has been living a closeted lifestyle with David, unable to reconcile her sexuality with her marriage and strict upbringing.  As the film progresses, it's clear that Ronit is interested in being friends with Esti but a romantic relationship is not possible, but still Esti wants to find a new world for herself, and asks David for her freedom from the marriage.  This is despite the fact that she's pregnant, which is something the couple had been trying to achieve for years.  During the hesped for Ronit's father (which she skips, after Esti is caught by the community kissing Ronit), David gives a sermon that grants Esti her freedom, and the three friends reunite, with the understanding over the film's final moments that Esti will eventually leave David to pursue a life where she can be open in her sexuality but she'll allow him to be a part of their child's life.

The film sounds heavy, and it is, but what makes it so special is how measured it is.  The film could easily have been a passionate love affair between Esti & Ronit, but that's not what happens.  The two clearly care for each other, but Ronit is worldly and experienced (and it's not entirely clear she wants to end up in a relationship with a woman), whereas Esti is less-experienced.  It recalls a lot of gay relationships in the closet, where you simply gravitate toward the only other person whom you know is gay because that's who's there.  I liked that they acknowledged this by not having the two end up together, but instead have them just remain supportive friends.  This is a twist on what we'd normally see in a story of this ilk.

The same can be said for David and Esti's relationship.  It'd be easy to make David, the conservative husband of the lesbian, into a villain, but Nivola never does that.  David loves Esti, and is frustrated by her inability to love him the way he hoped she would, but he's never cruel.  It's a tough balancing act for both actors (both giving career-best performances) to have them realize this union isn't working without ever understanding the other person's point of view.  David & Esti both love each other, in different ways, but they also will have some sense of bitterness in their split because they don't see the world the same way.  This is frequently how family or friends with different belief systems end up coexisting in real life, but it's not something I'm used to seeing onscreen, and I loved it.  The final scene with Nivola giving that sermon where he must let his wife go because he loves her more than he loves his belief system, but never lets go of his belief system...it's an acting showcase.  Nivola is way better than any of the men who were nominated for Best Supporting Actor last year, and considering he's never been cited by the Academy after so many years of steady supporting work, it's a crime he couldn't sneak in over less worthy contenders.  It'd be a bigger crime, though, if you let this film's lack of awards consideration deter you from seeing it-it's a terrific acting showcase & powerful look at faith and sexuality.