Why I Love the Oscars

I wish there was a magical moment where I remember hearing about the Oscars for the first time, but there isn't.  I definitely remember my life pre-Oscars, and I don't entirely remember what it was that finally made me intrigued enough to ask my parents to watch.  I was ten when I got to watch clips from my first Academy Awards.  At the time, I definitely had a fondness for movies that was almost completely cultivated by my parents' tastes; we would either pick from our limited VHS collection perched in our guest bedroom at the time since we were undergoing a remodel, or run to one of the local gas stations to rent from their collections.  Films like White Fang, Sneakers, Milo & Otis, Beauty and the Beast-these were the movies that made up my vocabulary.  And yet for some reason I really wanted to watch the Oscars.  Perhaps it was because I wanted to see the famously naughty David Letterman (we were a Letterman, and not a Leno household) when he was on before my bedtime, or perhaps a year of collecting Lion King cards had made me want to see the musical numbers from that night.  Whatever the reason, my parents taped the show, and let my brother & I watch the musical numbers, Best Original Song, and the two lead acting awards the next day.  The following year, despite them being relatively strict on what my brother & I viewed, we got to watch the show unfiltered (and taped it to watch over, and over, and over...my brother and I still quote Whoopi saying "Alec Baldwin, bravo baby!" from that monologue), and since then the Academy Awards have been one of the signature parts of my identity.

My journey with the Oscars is long and storied after watching what will be my 24th Oscar ceremony (at or near the actual viewing time-I've seen clips of pretty much all of them by now, and when is some kindly soul going to put all of the Oscar ceremonies on a Blu-Ray collection for us obsessives?!?).  I have, through the years, eventually gotten to the point where I was able to stay up to see the full show, and have never missed an actual ceremony in all of those years.  There were some close calls (the 2004 ceremony I was literally me running into my college dorm room as I had to drive home from my grandmother's house for some reason that day specifically in the middle of a blizzard, but I was there!), but the Oscars are my north star, and I have so many rituals around them they've become comical through the years in showing off the most Type A-aspects of my personality. I specifically won't let anyone talk during the ceremony (except for me, or if he's there, my brother), a rule that most people follow but not my mother (and every year I complain about how my parents don't have a DVR so the part where my mom has lovingly asked "now, where do I know her from?" won't be seen until I look it up on YouTube later).  I will update my Oscar Viewing Project charts with great care and precision after both the nominations and the ceremony.  I have a contest I have lost, by my count, three times out of 22 (I started with the 1996 ceremony), a feat that has become harder and harder as more people just copy what Gold Derby told them to do.  With the exception of unfortunately this year, I take the day after the ceremony off (too busy at work this annum) to recuperate, write articles, and obsess over day-after-writeups, while also kicking off my actual New Year's Day.  Suffice it to say, the Oscars are as important to my yearly calendar as Christmas is to most other people's, the sort of day where I will literally get texts and Facebook messages all day today with well wishes (which far, FAR exceed anything I receive on my actual birthday).

This is hard for me to explain therefore to people after all these years, but the Oscars aren't really the point: movies are.  It's always been about the actual movies when it comes to why I love the Oscars.  While I will of course indulge in the other pageantry of the day, things like the musical performances and the monologues and the dresses (I draw the line at the red carpet, except that I occasionally watch the first thirty minutes of the pre-show on ABC, as I find it insanely vapid, but I do love picking the best and worst dressed of the night), my love of the Oscars derives from a deep love of movies, and what the Oscars have invited into my life.  Watching the Oscars makes me think of the hundreds of cinematic experiences I wouldn't have had without them.  Stanley Kowalski shooting champagne over his head or Jean Arthur lustfully looking at Alan Ladd or Diane Keaton decked head-to-toe in an ill-fitting suit saying "La-De-Da"...these are some of the best moments of my life, experiencing these films for the first time in quiet awe.  I grew up with a very poor self-esteem that frequently manifests itself into my adulthood, but there's never a time I regret loving the movies, or making it a part of who I am, because the movies are special to me, and in some ways I am special because of them.

The reason I truly love the Oscars is because it's the one time of year that people celebrate film the way that I celebrate film all year round.  Real talk-I can (and would) talk about Oscar-related films and actors and the minutia of the cinema every minute of every day if I could, because I never tire of it (ever-if you know me in real life you can test me on this theory by just shouting the name "Deborah Kerr" or "Caleb Deschanel" in my general direction and watch me go off like a trained seal).  However, I would have no one left in my life if I did that (save my brother), and so the Oscars are the time of year where people want to talk about movies, and I relish it.  They want to know which of the films from the past year I loved the most, and are actually seeing The Shape of Water or Lady Bird or Call Me by Your Name when they otherwise wouldn't.  I therefore get to weigh in on the validity of Gary Oldman winning, and who exactly the Academy is, and why Meryl Streep is always nominated.  Each year, the Oscars gives me a little gift to share with the world.  It suddenly becomes socially-acceptable and perhaps even a little cool for me to fly my inner-nerd flag, and converse about "really-Mary J. Blige is an actress?!?"  And the fun thing is, I never know a year in advance what will be the names I'll get to spout out facts about later than year to friends and colleagues, whether Shirley MacLaine will be presenting so I get to finally point out who my favorite actress is or explain why Faye Dunaway & Warren Beatty are a big deal (or, again, who they are).  I am very much an introvert by design, someone who can come across as very polished in public settings, but who genuinely becomes uncomfortable if I'm ever the center of attention.  The Oscars invite me to share my inner-world, my most cherished aspects of myself with all of those around me.  And so, like always, tonight I will get to revel in their gaudy splendor, soaking up every moment so that for many years I can think of these movie moments with fondness, spout out the facts of the evening with aplomb, and share a kindred moment with every earlier version of myself who sat before the mysteries of the evening with anticipatory wonder.