Things I Learned on My European Adventure

Me in front of the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam

I recently completed a trip to Europe, one that I had been planning for, on some level, at least six years (definitely have notes pre-Covid on this one, so it might go back even further).  I have talked a lot about my quest to see all fifty states on this blog (here's an article for those unfamiliar), but that quest did have a consequence-I ended up not traveling internationally.  With the exception of a brief layover in Vancouver, I have not left the country since I was 19, and not left the North American continent since I was 17, when I went to the United Kingdom and France.  This meant that the planning was pretty intense.  I am a Type A personality by design.  Throw in a world I don't really know, and countries where I won't speak the language (or understand many of the local customs), and you can best believe I had read, booked, prepped, & over-analyzed every single aspect of this trip, which included stays in Denmark, the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, & France, to a degree that is insane (and in retrospect, I will admit was overkill).

With traveling alone, you're left with a lot of time on your hands.  Even if you fill up days (and I did-I walked literally 100 miles-I did the math-during my trip so I was busy traversing & seeing as much as possible over these two weeks), you are stuck on trains, planes, & Uber rides, as well as trying to sleep when jet lag is saying "it's not time yet!" with nothing but your thoughts and your pile of packed activities.  As a result, I always come back with things I learned on vacation, sometimes related to travel, sometimes changing my philosophy of my life.  I think this is beautiful (it makes travel feel special, because you go to strange places and discover things that you carry around everyday), but it also felt ripe for an article.  So here's a few things that I learned while I was on vacation.

In terms of things actually related to travel, I will say that it sharpened my philosophy, particularly when it comes to traveling alone (which I did for all but two days of the trip, when I met up with a friend in Paris, one whom I actually met through this blog!).  I think my advice for traveling to another country as a single person after this is simple, and comes down to five things (all of which also work if you're traveling with a partner or a family, but I will own I learned them as a single person).  

First, plan ahead (but be willing to bend).  I would have missed half of the things I went to had I not looked ahead, and made lists of what I'd be focusing on each day.  That doesn't mean that you stick completely to the schedule (I made detours, seeing things like the Atomium in Belgium on a whim & really loving its cheesy charm even if it meant that I left Brussels exhausted), but it gives you structure, and ensures that you start each day with an identity of what you're going to do, particularly important when it rains virtually every day of your trip & it'd be easier to just sit in bed.

I'd also say (second) that you should learn the mass transit of the locations you're going to in advance.  Of all of the things I should've known in advance, this was the one I should've thought of but didn't consider.  Mass transit in Europe puts American mass transit systems to shame (yes, even DC & NYC), but it varies by country, and that got confusing, especially in places like Belgium where geography plays such a critical role in you getting from Point A to Point B (i.e. in knowing what ticket to buy).  This led to my third learning, that you should include a budget for Ubers & carrying around your suitcase (if you're going on intercontinental plane flights) as I ended up giving a shocking amount of my money to these two things, which I might have rethought had I planned ahead (especially on the Ubers, there was a way to get from the airport to my hotel by mass transit in Copenhagen & Brussels had I been a little bit better about picking flight times & knowing where to go right away).

Me in front of a beautiful fountain Luxembourg

I'll also say that my general travel advice to not "over-think" food was one that got tested this trip.  I am someone who genuinely loves to cook, but I'm also someone who isn't a "foodie" when it comes to restaurant culture (I'm single, eating out is expensive, and I am very proficient in the kitchen, so spending money on something I can pretty easily recreate isn't fun for me even if I like a night out at a restaurant with a friend or a good date just because it's a different ambience).  In Denmark and the Netherlands, specifically, I wasn't wild about their non-dessert food culture, and finding restaurants that were affordable & varied was more of a challenge than I expected in most of the (very touristy) places I went.  By Belgium, I was not winging it, and was having a much better time (this might also be because my personal taste profile is going to favor Belgian cuisine to Dutch or Danish, but that could just be me), but in a trip that was insanely gracious to my American tourist (they were FAR more accommodating of me than I suspect they would get in American locales, and we as a country should look at that in our manners toward tourists...having more translations at hotels, for example), this was the one thing I clearly needed to plan better for.

Last, my advice is to "say yes."  My #1 travel tip is always to assume every time you go somewhere that it will be your last time visiting, and with Europe that sometimes meant that I was putting in 30k step days (my brand new sneakers are my heroes for not destroying my feet this trip), but it was worth it.  If I was walking around and said "that church seems interesting" or "that pastry looks delicious" I stopped, and I took the 20 minutes to indulge.  I am 41-years-old, and while I am hopeful I'm only at the halfway point (or maybe less) of my life, I also am realistic that even if I live another 40 years (which I might not...we never what deck of cards we are going to get), this is probably the only time I'll go to most of these countries (I have plans to go to France again, but that's really it of the five)...so even when I was tired or wanted to go back to the hotel to eat my snack supply, I still went and did another thing, because vacations are not for rest (you can add that in your everyday).

Those are the things about travel I learned while on vacation, but what about the things that aren't necessarily about travel?  I think one that toes the line I wanted to bring up was around age, so this is a good segway.  At 41, there's a certain expectation amongst people with my profile (a college-educated man who has worked primarily at a white-collar job his entire life), and I'll be honest-most of those things I don't measure up.  I am not married, and haven't really had a long-term romantic relationship that would be considered a success.  I don't have children, and at this point I doubt I ever will.  I am good at my job, but not as successful in terms of career benchmarks as most of my friends have been.

But travel, travel is somewhere where I do generally measure up...but not in every way.  The "visited 50 states" is a pretty impressive cocktail party anecdote, and it's something I go to pretty much every time I'm asked.  But because of a lack of finances, vacation time, and the realities of single travel (i.e. it costs a LOT more than traveling with a partner, and eats up a bigger share of your monthly budget), I feel a bit embarrassed when people list the countries that they've been to when all of my international experiences, up until two weeks ago, were as a teenager.  Being vulnerable, part of the reason I picked the rather eclectic list of countries that I did (rather than more marquee destinations for American tourists like Italy, Spain, or Greece, none of which I've seen) is that I wanted to sort of feel like I was already in the second waves of European travel, like I was already ready for the "deep cuts."  I did this when I bought my house, essentially skipping the experience of a starter/townhouse, and just buying my dream house right away (a decision that I usually think was a good one, though it depends on what repairs are outstanding at that moment), and I'm glad I did this this time, but it was a strategic decision borne out of wanting to feel like I've seen more of the world than I have by going a less familiar route with my travel goals.

I think we don't discuss the societal pressure we put on ourselves to be well-rounded individuals.  This is true not just of travel, but of things like culinary life (i.e. knowing the names of hip restaurants), socializing (how often are you asked for your plans for the weekend at work, and I can tell you if you don't have a built-in support system of a spouse or kids, there's an intense amount of pressure to consistently mention things that seem to warrant your "decision" to be single), and the arts.  There are more classic novels than one can possibly read in a lifetime, same with classic films and storied television shows (not to mention museums and historical landmarks to visit)...and that's if you are making an ardent attempt to reach those goals.  I know as a person that I put more of this pressure on myself than I need...but I'm not blind to the reality that a lot of it is placed by other people through casual conversation, which psychologically pokes holes in what you haven't achieved (even if that's not what's intended).  Walking through Europe I was reminded of the vastness of human experience, the countless works of art & architecture & history that you can experience...and also like literature and cinema, there's no way to do it all.  In the end, everyone comes up short.  I don't know how to remind myself of this in the future but I need to, trying to find a balance between "do as much as you can, as long as you can" when it comes to culture...but also to give myself reprieve & acknowledge that no one does as much as they'd like, and you (i.e. me, but also you, dear reader), are perhaps not as far behind as you think, and perhaps even inspire awe about your achievements from the people you're constantly comparing yourself.  

Anyway, those are the thoughts I had while doing while on my European adventure.