Fireball 500 (1966)

Film: Fireball 500 (1966)

Stars: Frankie Avalon, Fabian, Annette Funicello, Harvey Lembeck, Chill Wills, Julie Parrish

Director: William Asher

Oscar History: No nominations

Snap Judgment Ranking: 1/5 stars

Each month, as part of our 2024 Saturdays with the Stars series, we are looking at the women who were once crowned as "America's Sweethearts" and the careers that inspired that title (and what happened when they eventually lost it to a new generation).  This month, our focus is on Annette Funicello: click here to learn more about Ms. Funicello (and why I picked her), and click here for other Saturdays with the Stars articles.

By the mid-1960's, Annette Funicello's career was in a weird spot.  She regularly appeared in the Beach Party movies, and was about to start a different career path (pun intended) by doing race-car driving pictures.  However, her career wasn't really beyond that.  Like many teen idols before her, the roles weren't serious, and as she was entering her late 20's, the Beach Party movies and pretty young ingenue roles weren't going to be an option anymore.  Funicello would make our film today, Fireball 500 at the tail-end of her movie career.  The film was a moderate hit, one to spawn a follow-up called Thunder Alley, but that was basically the end of Funicello's career as a leading woman-she wouldn't star in another film for 20 years.

(Spoilers Ahead) Fireball 500 focuses on Dave "Fireball" Owens (Avalon), a race-car driver trying to get to the Indianapolis speedway, and willing to do whatever it takes to be the best.  He happens upon a small town racing operation, where he rides against Leander Fox (Fabian), beating him in their initial bout.  This results in Leander's girl Jane (Funicello) getting into Dave's sights, but it's actually Martha Brien (Parrish), who is running a liquor-smuggling ring, that ends up getting his heart.  Dave is sucked into two ends of Martha's operation, which is truly run by Charlie Bigg (Lembeck), her smitten partner, both romancing Martha as well as working for the cops, who are investigating not just the moonshine ring, but also a series of fatal car accidents of those involved in the enterprise.  The film culminates in a big rematch race between Leander & Dave, with Leander badly injuring himself (and in the process, winning Jane forever), while Martha & Dave ride off into the sunset when they reveal that Charlie has been the one killing the drivers, in hopes of murdering Dave to win Martha back.

The movie is terrible.  As I said last weekend, I loved Beach Party-I thought it was giddy, silly fun and everyone involved (including Frankie & Annette) were a gas (pun not intended but appreciated).  This, though, has none of that fun.  There are a couple of musical numbers, but none of them pop, and the cast doesn't work.  I have discovered a weird late-in-life crush on Frankie Avalon this month (he's so cute and short...I love it!), and he's the best part of this, but Fabian is a snore, and I have to admit, so is Annette.  They have no chemistry together, and he has the romantic projection of a broom.  This doesn't work, and I get why it didn't spawn more than one sequel.

Annette Funicello spent much of the 1970's raising her three children, and staying out of the lime light, her biggest acting gig being a series of commercials for Skippy's peanut butter.  During a comeback attempt, when she made Back to the Beach (a spoof of the original beach party movies that reunited her with Frankie Avalon), she started to have headaches & dizzy spells, and was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  She eventually went public with her diagnosis, and caused massive awareness; many people (including me) first heard of the disease in connection with Funicello, who would go on the cover of People Magazine when she revealed it in 1992.  Funicello would die from the disease in 2013, at the age of 70.  Disney CEO Bob Iger would said of her upon her death "She will forever hold a place in our hearts as one of Walt Disney's brightest stars."  Starting on Thursday, we're going to look at a contemporary star of Funicello's one who would have her own moments on the beach, but whose time as America's Sweetheart would belie a deeply tragic & complicated personal life.