Ranking the Judges on Chopped

I suspect that we all have picked up at least one hobby during the past two years that we either didn't indulge before the pandemic or that we wouldn't have dreamt we were into before this.  Some of us have started quilting or cooking bread or have a stack of completed adult coloring books, but for me...it's watching the Food Network.  I spent almost a year entirely by myself, and one of the adaptations I needed to make was to have the TV on, in the background, not necessarily watching it fully but just appreciating that it's there.  And there is no better option for me to "kind of be watching" than the onslaught of repeats on Food Network.

I watched the Food Network before this, as I have a fascination with cooking, & it's a skill I continually try to hone.  But it took on its own life during the pandemic, mostly because while before I was just watching the Saturday morning set (you know, the Ree's, Giada's, & Ina's), now I'm indiscriminately catching pretty much anything on the channel.  And like any good person expanding their Food Network credentials, I have opinions on all of the chefs that make up the channel's personalities.  Food Network has its own crew of judges who circle in and out of virtually every show, a crew of about 30-40 people that are Grade-A celebrities to those of us who partake in the channel...and virtually unknown to everyone else (if you only know Bobby Flay & Guy Fieri, you're definitely a newbie).

So since this blog is about my passions, we're going to take a quick detour this week & next week into the world of Food Network.  I have a pair of articles planned focusing on the network, and today we'll be starting with a ranking of the Chopped judges.  Chopped is the OG Food Network show, a compelling, three-round competition that pits chefs against each other, but more so against a panel of super picky judges (and an ambivalent Ted Allen).  Who you like of these judges kind of shows your own personality, so I invite you to join me in the comments if you disagree with these selections, but I have ranked my own personal preference of the ten regulars on the panel.  Enjoy!

10. Geoffrey Zakarian

Every major fan of Chopped has at least one judge on the panel they cannot stand, and are just praying isn't part of the lineup.  For me, it's Geoffrey.  He is impossible to please, he doesn't add much other than doom-and-gloom to the panel, and his chemistry with the rest of the judges is middling at best (there's no personality or flare to what he's bringing here).  He's also not fun when it comes to the judges' competitions.  Virtually any other judge on the panel I'd have something nice to say, but here I'm coming up empty-handed (he's also my least favorite person on The Kitchen).

9. Marc Murphy

I am a fan of a judge that will take down a cocky chef on the show (there's always one person in every episode you don't want to win), but Marc doesn't really have the finesse to know which chefs the audience is rooting for and which ones they aren't.  He's not the meanest judge (in the sense that there are definitely judges on this list that you would be more scared of if they were coming after you for an undercooked potato), but he's also the one who seems most likely to go after one of the judges who you are hoping slides through because they have great technique but, well, undercooked the potato.  I personally think he's far more fun on Guy's Grocery Games.

8. Tiffani Faison

I will admit straight up that while I watch a disproportionately large amount of Food Network (seriously-it's become an addiction that is going to be genuinely hard to kick when I attempt to resume my life post-vaccine), I don't watch many cooking shows on other networks (including Netflix, and I know the one I'm supposed to).  As a result, I don't have the strong feelings that many people do when it comes to one of the newest judges on Chopped, Tiffani, because I've never watched Top Chef.  For me, I'm still trying to figure out Tiffani, cause on a show where we don't like breaking up the formula, she's still new to the game (but I'm not opposed to what I've seen so far).

7. Scott Conant

I actually like some of Scott's criticism on the show.  He can be intriguing, and a compliment from him is genuinely something people should cherish as other than maybe Alex or Geoffrey, he's one of the rare judges that will let a bad dish just sit there, not building any suspense into the commercial break as to who is under the cloche.  But Scott is, when he wants to be, the judge that takes the dishes the most (too) personally.  This is in part due to his famous aversion to raw onions (the only judge who seems to genuinely project their aversion to a specific type of food into their critiques), but it's also the main reason we rarely see pasta dishes on the show, because everyone's afraid to give Scott pasta.  And I love pasta, so Scott on the panel means I'm not getting any.  I like when he hosts Chopped Sweets though.

6. Marcus Samuelsson

Marcus, similar to Marc Murphy, I generally like better on Guy's Grocery Games (which is weird because, all things being even Chopped is more up-my-alley).  I think it's because Samuelsson feels more fun on Guy's, and lets more of his personality show through.  He does generally have impeccable taste with his food choices, though, and is one of the best competitive chefs when he's on the other side of the judging table.  I also like to play along at home (trying to predict who will win), and he's one of the hardest judges to try & get inside...he's less forthcoming if he thinks that a chef is clearly in the lead or not.

5. Maneet Chauhan

Unlike Marc & Marcus, I think Maneet (another regular on Guy's) is better on Chopped.  The queen of Nashville cooking always feels a little too classy for Guy's rough-and-tumble universe, and feels more at-home with Chopped.  That said, she has this very strange ability to put in really backhanded compliments to the chefs by highlighting the most inconsequential aspect of the plate and saying it was her favorite part.  It always feels like she's instinctively trying to compliment the sauce or root vegetable that the chef spent two seconds on, rather than the central part of the dish.  This is a weird criticism, but next time you're stuck in a Chopped marathon, look for this as you will not be able to find many episodes where it doesn't happen at least once.

4. Chris Santos

Part of this high ranking is personal choice (I think Chris is kind of cute, the only one of the judges on the show that I will admit this about), but he's the curmudgeon that you learn to love.  He always seems to get the plate with an ingredient missing (it happens so often it has to be a running joke from the producers at this point), and he's constantly upset about something (he hates every piece of meat in front of him...you can tell he loves something when he says only one sentence).  This might say more about why I'm still single than most that I find a man with this attitude attractive, but it is what it is, and I love when Chris is on the panel.

3. Aaron Sanchez

Probably the classiest guy on the panel (the other guys seem to be bro-ing it up WAY too much for me...I almost change the channel if I see it's an all-male lineup), Sanchez is the best judge on the show in terms of making the contestants feel welcomed.  His compliments always feel heartfelt, his criticisms burn but he's aware that they're stinging.  I don't watch Chopped to necessarily see people eviscerated (though watching a cocky chef taken down is fun, which is why I like Chris & my #1 on this list), so Sanchez provides some feeling when you think a chef is being taken down too much for an honest mistake.

2. Amanda Freitag

I love Amanda.  Of all of the people on this list, she'd be the judge that I'd be the least scared to cook for not because she's not tough or discerning (she is), but because she genuinely seems to want what's best for the chefs.  You can tell this not just on Chopped, but on her YouTube cooking channel where she specializes in teaching you proper techniques (honestly, I have learned more from that channel than I have on Food Network in terms of making sure I am properly making meats, eggs, & vegetables, so check it out if you haven't).  Amanda is the only judge that genuinely complements every other combination of the remaining nine panelists.

1. Alex Guarnaschelli

Alex is hands down not just the best judge, but give or take Ina Garten, the best person on the Food Network period.  She is brutal in her assessments, but that just makes her compliments feel even stronger (if Alex loves a dessert, that person is going to win the show).  She also can cook better than anyone else-she always wins on virtually any show she's on, and seems to understand food better than anyone (like Amanda, she's a chef I learn from her cooking tutorials always because she approaches it in a way that experienced and novice chefs can both take something away from).  Impeccable taste, consistently funny, fierce competitor...Alex is an Iron Chef for a reason.