One Million Years BC (1966)

Film: One Million Years BC (1966)
Stars: Raquel Welch, John Richardson, Percy Herbert, Robert Brown
Director: Don Chaffey
Oscar History: No nominations
Snap Judgment Ranking: 2/5 stars

Each month, as part of our 2020 Saturdays with the Stars series, we highlight a different actress known as an iconic "film sex symbol."  This month, our focus is on Raquel Welch-click here to learn more about Ms. Welch (and why I picked her), and click here for other Saturdays with the Stars articles.

If you know anything about Raquel Welch, the first thing that comes to mind is her in a deer skin bikini.  Welch's career, as we wind down this series about classic film sex symbols, is fascinating to look at because she didn't have the sort of look that would popularize the careers of Rita Hayworth or Marilyn Monroe (glamorous figures in impossible makeup & ball gowns), instead favoring sportier looks that accentuated her physique in a more obvious way, her career was similar to the sex symbol trope (one that traded on her physicality rather than her acting ability)...but by the 1960's that trajectory had become stale, as we'll find out as Welch's career continues.  But it wasn't dead, and Welch proved that here, by donning the "first bikini" in One Million Years BC, which coupled with Fantastic Voyage from 1966, graduated her into being a household name.

(Spoilers Ahead) A remake of the 1940 film One Million BC, One Million Years BC is a strange film.  For starters, while it's not silent, it's not in English either.  The characters all speak in a made-up language, and are humans living in a time where dinosaurs (not to mention giant turtles & lizards) roam the earth.  There are two tribes, one that Tumak (Richardson) is a member of, and then is exiled from, and then after wandering, he meets the other, where Loana (Welch) is their apparent leader.  The two fall in love, but this causes rifts with both tribes, and they continually fight, sometimes alongside each other against dinosaurs, and most frequently against each other, seemingly to the death until a giant volcano erupts, killing half of each tribe (though sparing Tumak & Loana).  In the end, realizing they are against an impossible challenge in general with such tough terrain, they set out as one tribe, united in their quest for survival.

The movie is, and I cannot stress this enough, impossibly stupid.  Forgetting for a second that humans & dinosaurs never cohabited, the dinosaur species frequently never cohabited, and lived millions of years apart (if they weren't fictional).  Even suspending that belief, it's hard not to laugh at the movie now, its random nods to modern conveniences frequently getting in the way of reality (Welch somehow has access to mousse & mascara in addition to sculpting an impractical bikini for the movie).  It definitely gets to the other side of "it's so bad it's good" without ever being uproariously in that arena, so I'm going with 2-stars, but this is not a film where your brain will be doing heavy-lifting.

Welch's performance here is hard to judge, as it's so focused on her physically.  She gets to play emotions, but they're so basic as to feel washed out in terms of any nuance.  To a modern lens, the film is kind of uncomfortable to watch.  You could try to add in an "action warrior" lens if you wanted, but she spends most of the film trying to appeal to a man, and her performance is grounded entirely on exploiting her body for the camera, with near constant shots of her cleavage & midriff.  This film made her a star, but I hope it isn't an indication of what we're in store for for the rest of the month, as this could get uncomfortable watch directors commodify her like this.